So here's the short of it,
I had 2 units of blood today and went to Dad's visitation.
And here's the long
Dr. Schlabach has been telling me for about three or four weeks now that if my red blood counts did not begin to move in an upward direction that I would have to have a transfusion. I've been getting Procrit - a shot designed to make my body make more red blood cells every week for three weeks. My red blood cells should be going up! But that didn't happen. Today my counts were still going in the wrong direction. Dr. Schlabach said that if we didn't get me a blood transfusion, I might end up passed out in the middle of the funeral.
I called and had my Herceptin treatment moved up to the morning, so I'd have the afternoon to visit with family and be with my Mom, but that plan got all turned around. It takes two hours for each unit of blood to be transfused and I had to have two units. So I spent the whole afternoon at the hospital. The morning in my doctor's office, and the afternoon in the transfusion center. Our friend Dr. Seeber was in the lobby while we were waiting for the blood to arrive. I shared my lab results with him and he said, "well, your chemo sure is working - you aren't making any cells." It was nice to hear the positive side of the low blood counts. But I sure wasn't counting on spending the whole day at the hospital, so I got my schedule all out of kilter, and didn't even get home until the visitation had already started.
Anyway, Dr. Schlabach told me that he wouldn't tell me to stay away from the visitation or the funeral, but for me to be careful about touching people, or allowing people to touch me - he started me on another antibiotic and told me to try to get rest.
I am so grateful tonight for all the friends and family who have been so supportive.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
So here's the short of it,
Today we planned Dad's funeral.
And here's the long
This afternoon Dr. Carver, the minister, met with Mom, Russ, Steve, Alan and me to discuss plans for the funeral service at the church. Mom was very clear that she wants the service to be a worship service and a celebration of Dad's life.
Much of the time with Dr. Carver, we three children told stories of our Dad so that he could have a sense of who Dad was. So we had another afternoon of stories and tears and some laughter. Steve told the story of the time he and I were quarreling in the kitchen and Mom couldn't get us to stop. When she told Dad that he needed to help get us under control, he said he'd just go cut a switch. That scared us both to death because Dad never hit his children. A few minutes later Steve and I saw him emerge from the woods with a sapling about the diameter of his wrist and about ten feet tall - he was waving it furiously at us. I think we quit fighting. I know it was a very effective way to get us to pay attention to how silly we were behaving.
None of us kids have any bad memories of our Dad. He was a strong, just, and loving father who had patience beyond end and loved his wife, children, and grandchildren fiercely. He delighted in his 3 great-grandchildren and to the very end news and pictures of them would light up his eyes.
The military portion of the service at the National Cemetery is already prescribed. Dad told me one time after we had been to the Cemetery for a Veteran's Day Celebration, that he had a real sense of peace about being buried there amongst his fellow veterans.
I've run a tad of fever today and have had a nagging cough. I have a herceptin treatment tomorrow, so I'll try to find out what's going on when I go for that. I imagine I've just not rested enough and tried to pack too much into these last couple of days.
Today we planned Dad's funeral.
And here's the long
This afternoon Dr. Carver, the minister, met with Mom, Russ, Steve, Alan and me to discuss plans for the funeral service at the church. Mom was very clear that she wants the service to be a worship service and a celebration of Dad's life.
Much of the time with Dr. Carver, we three children told stories of our Dad so that he could have a sense of who Dad was. So we had another afternoon of stories and tears and some laughter. Steve told the story of the time he and I were quarreling in the kitchen and Mom couldn't get us to stop. When she told Dad that he needed to help get us under control, he said he'd just go cut a switch. That scared us both to death because Dad never hit his children. A few minutes later Steve and I saw him emerge from the woods with a sapling about the diameter of his wrist and about ten feet tall - he was waving it furiously at us. I think we quit fighting. I know it was a very effective way to get us to pay attention to how silly we were behaving.
None of us kids have any bad memories of our Dad. He was a strong, just, and loving father who had patience beyond end and loved his wife, children, and grandchildren fiercely. He delighted in his 3 great-grandchildren and to the very end news and pictures of them would light up his eyes.
The military portion of the service at the National Cemetery is already prescribed. Dad told me one time after we had been to the Cemetery for a Veteran's Day Celebration, that he had a real sense of peace about being buried there amongst his fellow veterans.
I've run a tad of fever today and have had a nagging cough. I have a herceptin treatment tomorrow, so I'll try to find out what's going on when I go for that. I imagine I've just not rested enough and tried to pack too much into these last couple of days.
Monday, September 28, 2009
So here's the short of it,
We are moving forward through our tears.
And here's the long
Today Mom, Russ, Steve, and I spent the afternoon together at Mom's house. Our task was to work on the list of things that need to be done before Dad's funeral. As we sat around the table - the boys running off every now and again to do a task so we could check it off the list - we told stories and laughed and cried. Mom says she's feeling her way into her new reality. I know it's a much harsher new reality for her than for any of us, but I think she's captured it - we are all finding our way into how to live a life without husband, father, grandfather, beloved uncle, or cousin.
I believe our shared grief is a very healing process. Dad was a wonderful father, and today each of us children has heard stories for the first time, or from a different child's perspective giving us a different glimpse of the man we knew, each in our own way.
Today was Yom Kippur. I missed being with Alan and the kids at services, but I wouldn't have attempted to go at any rate because of my low white counts. I haven't struggled about going to Dad's visitation or to any portion of his funeral service. I'll try to be careful, and I've made a call to the doctor to see if there is anything at all I might be able to take to give me an immunity boost - we'll just have to see. I am exhausted. I have pushed myself today far harder than I would have on the 5th day after my treatment. Thank goodness this treatment cycle has been a bit easier. I've developed a cough that is a bit concerning. I actually had it last weekend and am just finishing a z-pack, but the cough isn't improving. I'll see what the doctor says on Wednesday when I go in for my Herceptin.
I know that it is the thoughts and prayers of so many of you that sustains me in this time. Thank you.
We are moving forward through our tears.
And here's the long
Today Mom, Russ, Steve, and I spent the afternoon together at Mom's house. Our task was to work on the list of things that need to be done before Dad's funeral. As we sat around the table - the boys running off every now and again to do a task so we could check it off the list - we told stories and laughed and cried. Mom says she's feeling her way into her new reality. I know it's a much harsher new reality for her than for any of us, but I think she's captured it - we are all finding our way into how to live a life without husband, father, grandfather, beloved uncle, or cousin.
I believe our shared grief is a very healing process. Dad was a wonderful father, and today each of us children has heard stories for the first time, or from a different child's perspective giving us a different glimpse of the man we knew, each in our own way.
Today was Yom Kippur. I missed being with Alan and the kids at services, but I wouldn't have attempted to go at any rate because of my low white counts. I haven't struggled about going to Dad's visitation or to any portion of his funeral service. I'll try to be careful, and I've made a call to the doctor to see if there is anything at all I might be able to take to give me an immunity boost - we'll just have to see. I am exhausted. I have pushed myself today far harder than I would have on the 5th day after my treatment. Thank goodness this treatment cycle has been a bit easier. I've developed a cough that is a bit concerning. I actually had it last weekend and am just finishing a z-pack, but the cough isn't improving. I'll see what the doctor says on Wednesday when I go in for my Herceptin.
I know that it is the thoughts and prayers of so many of you that sustains me in this time. Thank you.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
So here's the short of it,
This morning I woke to a world with a whole new landscape. It's a world where I now only have my Dad in memory; not as a person with whom I can have dinner, debate global warming, or ask what to do about my leaning apple tree. Gazing down the street I see the turn that goes around to Mom and Dad's house - it's become the turn that goes around to Mom's.
The family prayed mightily for a miracle to return Dad to us after the stroke following his surgery. I know that those who follow his blog or this one joined in those prayers. Today I know that we did have a miracle - my Dad's whole life was a miracle and we were blessed to have him for the years that we did.
I also know as I look out the window to the apple tree he planted for us a few years ago and see its lean, that I'll just have to remember what he did when the little Redbud I planted a few years ago almost didn't make it. I'll take that lesson, and Alan or one of the kids will help me make a brace for the tree and give it a year or two to grow strong under the guidance of a strong upright - almost like what he did for his children and grandchildren in the years they bent under the winds of the world. Dad taught his children and grandchildren how to live far more by example than any other way. His kindness, generosity of spirit, and extraordinary love of the world were amazing to behold in his daily life.
And in this new landscape I'm inhabiting, I'll have to look into my memory to the miracle of my Dad's life and take the lessons I can remember and hope that I can transform them into a way of living without him.
My Dad died last night.
And here's the long
This morning I woke to a world with a whole new landscape. It's a world where I now only have my Dad in memory; not as a person with whom I can have dinner, debate global warming, or ask what to do about my leaning apple tree. Gazing down the street I see the turn that goes around to Mom and Dad's house - it's become the turn that goes around to Mom's.
The family prayed mightily for a miracle to return Dad to us after the stroke following his surgery. I know that those who follow his blog or this one joined in those prayers. Today I know that we did have a miracle - my Dad's whole life was a miracle and we were blessed to have him for the years that we did.
I also know as I look out the window to the apple tree he planted for us a few years ago and see its lean, that I'll just have to remember what he did when the little Redbud I planted a few years ago almost didn't make it. I'll take that lesson, and Alan or one of the kids will help me make a brace for the tree and give it a year or two to grow strong under the guidance of a strong upright - almost like what he did for his children and grandchildren in the years they bent under the winds of the world. Dad taught his children and grandchildren how to live far more by example than any other way. His kindness, generosity of spirit, and extraordinary love of the world were amazing to behold in his daily life.
And in this new landscape I'm inhabiting, I'll have to look into my memory to the miracle of my Dad's life and take the lessons I can remember and hope that I can transform them into a way of living without him.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Dad
So here's the short of it,
Dad had a downturn last night.
And here's the long
Dad had a heart rate drop last night.
The family has met with the staff at Kindred to let them know that his living will calls for no extraordinary resuscitation measures to be done. Hospice has been called.
I'm at day three after a treatment and feel better than I have on any day three, but I'm forbidden to be at Kindred. This is so hard.
I'll be posting to Mom and Dad's blog more frequently as we get additional information.
Keep our family in your prayers.
Dad had a downturn last night.
And here's the long
Dad had a heart rate drop last night.
The family has met with the staff at Kindred to let them know that his living will calls for no extraordinary resuscitation measures to be done. Hospice has been called.
I'm at day three after a treatment and feel better than I have on any day three, but I'm forbidden to be at Kindred. This is so hard.
I'll be posting to Mom and Dad's blog more frequently as we get additional information.
Keep our family in your prayers.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Bed, Sofa, Sleep
So here's the short of it,
The Abraxane has given me much the same symptoms as the Taxotere so far.
And here's the long
Yesterday I had flu like symptoms and slept for most of the day. Today I slept all morning. This afternoon I just kept the sofa company with the TV on the food channel - mostly I just napped. I am so weary and full of fatigue.
One day when Dad was still at Erlanger, he told Joyce that the next book he wrote would be about his hospital experience and it would be titled something like In a Hospital, There's No Such Thing as Time. I feel a little like that in these days after a treatment. Instead of minutes and hours, it's a dim waking between trips to the bathroom, or trips to the kitchen to try one more time to get a drink of something down. Then it's a few hours of being awake and too weak to do anything except lie on the sofa and make trips to the bathroom or the kitchen.
My dire symptom of diarrhea is back, beginning last night. I know it's even more reason to drink, drink, drink. And I'm trying. Ginger Ale and unsweetened tea are both fairly palatable right now. That's really different from the treatment cycles before. So I think I'm doing better.
I started to really wake a little about 5 or 6 o'clock tonight, and am fairly awake now. This is part of that craziness of having my days and nights mixed up.
Russ, Steve and Pat, Alan, and Mom are having a meeting with Dr. Deversa tonight. I'll make a full report on Emily and Gene's blog later tonight. I hate not being there.
The Abraxane has given me much the same symptoms as the Taxotere so far.
And here's the long
Yesterday I had flu like symptoms and slept for most of the day. Today I slept all morning. This afternoon I just kept the sofa company with the TV on the food channel - mostly I just napped. I am so weary and full of fatigue.
One day when Dad was still at Erlanger, he told Joyce that the next book he wrote would be about his hospital experience and it would be titled something like In a Hospital, There's No Such Thing as Time. I feel a little like that in these days after a treatment. Instead of minutes and hours, it's a dim waking between trips to the bathroom, or trips to the kitchen to try one more time to get a drink of something down. Then it's a few hours of being awake and too weak to do anything except lie on the sofa and make trips to the bathroom or the kitchen.
My dire symptom of diarrhea is back, beginning last night. I know it's even more reason to drink, drink, drink. And I'm trying. Ginger Ale and unsweetened tea are both fairly palatable right now. That's really different from the treatment cycles before. So I think I'm doing better.
I started to really wake a little about 5 or 6 o'clock tonight, and am fairly awake now. This is part of that craziness of having my days and nights mixed up.
Russ, Steve and Pat, Alan, and Mom are having a meeting with Dr. Deversa tonight. I'll make a full report on Emily and Gene's blog later tonight. I hate not being there.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The day after
So here's the short of it,
I've slept all day.
And here's the long
Starting last night and all through the day today I've felt like I have the flu. I've had cold chills and sweating off and on all night and all day. I'm also extremely weak. This evening I have a temperature near 100. I know this too shall pass, but right now I feel pretty crummy.
I've been in the bed almost all day, but got up this the evening to post the blog and try to get some nourishment. Right now, I don't think I can eat anything, but I've tried to get fluids in during the day. So far unsweetened tea is doing OK.
Perhaps I'll feel like posting more tomorrow.
I've slept all day.
And here's the long
Starting last night and all through the day today I've felt like I have the flu. I've had cold chills and sweating off and on all night and all day. I'm also extremely weak. This evening I have a temperature near 100. I know this too shall pass, but right now I feel pretty crummy.
I've been in the bed almost all day, but got up this the evening to post the blog and try to get some nourishment. Right now, I don't think I can eat anything, but I've tried to get fluids in during the day. So far unsweetened tea is doing OK.
Perhaps I'll feel like posting more tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Five Down and One to Go
So here's the short of it,
I finished treatment number five about an hour ago. It was different. Because I developed the myopathy the last time, I did not get Taxotere. The myopathy is not caused by the Taxotere; it's caused by the steroid pre-medication that's required in order to have the Taxotere. So today I got Abraxane. It has not been approved for use in breast cancer which has not metastasized unless the Taxotere causes complications. It is in the same family as the Taxotere, but it's a newer technology to deliver it into the body. Anyway, the medication is surrounded by nanoparticles of albumin and goes into the body without having to have the steroids first. It appears that it has about the same side effects as the Taxotere, so I won't have escaped anything with that. Lori did caution me that many patients have difficulty with soreness in the muscles and joints, and told me to treat it with advil. It took only 30 minutes to be infused, plus we knocked off another 30 minutes with not having to have the steroid so I guess my treatment was shortened by almost an hour. I slept most of the time. I don't know why I seem to fall asleep when I'm having a treatment.
My Carboplatin dosage was also reduced a little again this time. I wasn't quite clear on the reason for that. Dr. Schlabach is still very concerned about my red blood counts and says that if they don't come up, I may have to have a transfusion. I had another shot of Procrit today to try to bolster those red blood cells. The Abraxane still knocks both the white counts as well as the red counts down, so that change won't help out!
In addition to all that, I got a prescription for a Z-pack. I've got this cough started and of course I told them about my weekend with fever nearing 100 for two days. Apparently I sound "a little rattly in there" after listening with a stethescope, so we'll get that knocked out right away with the old stand by azithromycin. It's funny, I remember the first time I ever had one of those z-packs. It seemed like it was a medicine from the future.
I'm planning on sleeping lots this evening and tomorrow.
I can just feel all the positive energy and prayers and they sustain me in ways that are hard to describe.
I am home from having Chemotherapy number five!
And here's the long
I finished treatment number five about an hour ago. It was different. Because I developed the myopathy the last time, I did not get Taxotere. The myopathy is not caused by the Taxotere; it's caused by the steroid pre-medication that's required in order to have the Taxotere. So today I got Abraxane. It has not been approved for use in breast cancer which has not metastasized unless the Taxotere causes complications. It is in the same family as the Taxotere, but it's a newer technology to deliver it into the body. Anyway, the medication is surrounded by nanoparticles of albumin and goes into the body without having to have the steroids first. It appears that it has about the same side effects as the Taxotere, so I won't have escaped anything with that. Lori did caution me that many patients have difficulty with soreness in the muscles and joints, and told me to treat it with advil. It took only 30 minutes to be infused, plus we knocked off another 30 minutes with not having to have the steroid so I guess my treatment was shortened by almost an hour. I slept most of the time. I don't know why I seem to fall asleep when I'm having a treatment.
My Carboplatin dosage was also reduced a little again this time. I wasn't quite clear on the reason for that. Dr. Schlabach is still very concerned about my red blood counts and says that if they don't come up, I may have to have a transfusion. I had another shot of Procrit today to try to bolster those red blood cells. The Abraxane still knocks both the white counts as well as the red counts down, so that change won't help out!
In addition to all that, I got a prescription for a Z-pack. I've got this cough started and of course I told them about my weekend with fever nearing 100 for two days. Apparently I sound "a little rattly in there" after listening with a stethescope, so we'll get that knocked out right away with the old stand by azithromycin. It's funny, I remember the first time I ever had one of those z-packs. It seemed like it was a medicine from the future.
I'm planning on sleeping lots this evening and tomorrow.
I can just feel all the positive energy and prayers and they sustain me in ways that are hard to describe.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Rambling on
So here's the short of it,
There's really no short of it, just lots of short ramblings.
And here's the long
So some days when I log in to update the blog, I immediately know what the short of it is. On other days I really don't know the short of it until I've slogged through the long. This is one of those days! My thoughts are even pretty random tonight.
My days and nights are so confused. It's so hard to go to sleep at night, and so hard to wake up in the morning! I've told myself that there is absolutely no point in trying to fix that until all my treatments are over, because I just sleep for 18 or 20 hours a day beginning a couple of days after my treatment. The nausea medicine I take on some days makes me sleep or at least sleepy, so I know that's a part of it. But it's not really fun being all out of whack like this. I remember loving to stay up til all hours when I was a very young adult, but that's been a long time ago. My Mom said that I always loved my bed when I was little (as long as I had a pile of books in it.) I do think I'd have made a lousy 2nd or 3rd shift employee.
This morning I had nausea again. I did NOT drink coffee which I had begun to think was the culprit. Well, it's not - at least not this morning. I took compazine, the nausea medicine which makes me least sleepy. It didn't help a whole lot. But I sure don't like to take it if I can help it, so I supplemented it with ginger. I should make some fresh ginger tea next week - I think I will.
We had a family meeting at Kindred this afternoon about Dad's care. I'm a bit down in the dumps about it all and will try to write more about it when I can process it a bit.
Finally, Sophie got locked out of the house about 3:30 today and was by herself in the back yard until about 8:30. Alan and I both totally forgot that she was locked out! She was beside herself with anxiety when we got home. She currently is sound asleep, but if dogs dream, she is having one, she is twitching, and sighing, and whimpering in her sleep! I feel like a rotten dog parent this evening!
There's really no short of it, just lots of short ramblings.
And here's the long
So some days when I log in to update the blog, I immediately know what the short of it is. On other days I really don't know the short of it until I've slogged through the long. This is one of those days! My thoughts are even pretty random tonight.
My days and nights are so confused. It's so hard to go to sleep at night, and so hard to wake up in the morning! I've told myself that there is absolutely no point in trying to fix that until all my treatments are over, because I just sleep for 18 or 20 hours a day beginning a couple of days after my treatment. The nausea medicine I take on some days makes me sleep or at least sleepy, so I know that's a part of it. But it's not really fun being all out of whack like this. I remember loving to stay up til all hours when I was a very young adult, but that's been a long time ago. My Mom said that I always loved my bed when I was little (as long as I had a pile of books in it.) I do think I'd have made a lousy 2nd or 3rd shift employee.
This morning I had nausea again. I did NOT drink coffee which I had begun to think was the culprit. Well, it's not - at least not this morning. I took compazine, the nausea medicine which makes me least sleepy. It didn't help a whole lot. But I sure don't like to take it if I can help it, so I supplemented it with ginger. I should make some fresh ginger tea next week - I think I will.
We had a family meeting at Kindred this afternoon about Dad's care. I'm a bit down in the dumps about it all and will try to write more about it when I can process it a bit.
Finally, Sophie got locked out of the house about 3:30 today and was by herself in the back yard until about 8:30. Alan and I both totally forgot that she was locked out! She was beside herself with anxiety when we got home. She currently is sound asleep, but if dogs dream, she is having one, she is twitching, and sighing, and whimpering in her sleep! I feel like a rotten dog parent this evening!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Fatigue
So here's the short of it,
Well, I stayed home today because I felt so awful on Sunday and had a temperature near 100. I really haven't had sore throat, or earache, or fever today, but I've been so exhausted. I always think it's such a waste of time to be home on a work day when you feel so awful you can't even sweep a floor! Oh well, that was today. I did get dressed, but if I'm honest about that it was mainly so I could throw my favorite sleepwear in the washer to have them clean and nice tonight. They are drying right now and in a bit they'll be nice and clean and dry and warm and I'll snuggle into them and they'll feel good.
I did feel well enough to do some work by e-mail today, but not a whole lot. I'm really hoping to go in and get a couple of things done tomorrow that are really needing to be done before I'm out of commission so totally.
I'm supposed to have a Taxotere, Carboplatin, Herceptin treatment on Wednesday afternoon. It will depend on my red blood counts. If the Procrit did it's job, I'll be able to have the treatment. I wonder if it will change any because of the myopathy from last time. He did talk about needing to think about whether or not the treatment protocol would need to be adjusted. Well, that's why I chose Dr. Schlabach - I have great confidence that he will do just exactly what I need. He is so at home in this parallel universe of blood counts, and toxic medicines delivered at just the right amount to nearly, but not kill - and he is so knowledgeable about all the new discoveries that are brewing in the laboratories across the country - well probably the world. So whatever he decides is how it will roll. I'm going to just believe that the Procrit did what it was supposed to do and we'll be ready to get on with this on Wednesday. And in the meantime, I'm going to stay in the now. I'm still not feeling as good as I would have thought I'd be feeling. I guess I need to keep the "cumulative effect" in my brain. Dr. Schlabach has explained that I will rebound less after each treatment - so that I shouldn't expect to feel as well on day eight after my 5th treatment as I did on day 8 of my 1st treatment. I sorta have shoved that conversation to the back of my brain. I'm confronting it and thinking it will help me get through the next two treatments because my expectations for myself will be more realistic.
Today I'm grateful that I have a job that allows me to stay home when I need to and know that it will still be there when I'm ready to go back.
No fever today, but I've been really tired all day.
And here's the longWell, I stayed home today because I felt so awful on Sunday and had a temperature near 100. I really haven't had sore throat, or earache, or fever today, but I've been so exhausted. I always think it's such a waste of time to be home on a work day when you feel so awful you can't even sweep a floor! Oh well, that was today. I did get dressed, but if I'm honest about that it was mainly so I could throw my favorite sleepwear in the washer to have them clean and nice tonight. They are drying right now and in a bit they'll be nice and clean and dry and warm and I'll snuggle into them and they'll feel good.
I did feel well enough to do some work by e-mail today, but not a whole lot. I'm really hoping to go in and get a couple of things done tomorrow that are really needing to be done before I'm out of commission so totally.
I'm supposed to have a Taxotere, Carboplatin, Herceptin treatment on Wednesday afternoon. It will depend on my red blood counts. If the Procrit did it's job, I'll be able to have the treatment. I wonder if it will change any because of the myopathy from last time. He did talk about needing to think about whether or not the treatment protocol would need to be adjusted. Well, that's why I chose Dr. Schlabach - I have great confidence that he will do just exactly what I need. He is so at home in this parallel universe of blood counts, and toxic medicines delivered at just the right amount to nearly, but not kill - and he is so knowledgeable about all the new discoveries that are brewing in the laboratories across the country - well probably the world. So whatever he decides is how it will roll. I'm going to just believe that the Procrit did what it was supposed to do and we'll be ready to get on with this on Wednesday. And in the meantime, I'm going to stay in the now. I'm still not feeling as good as I would have thought I'd be feeling. I guess I need to keep the "cumulative effect" in my brain. Dr. Schlabach has explained that I will rebound less after each treatment - so that I shouldn't expect to feel as well on day eight after my 5th treatment as I did on day 8 of my 1st treatment. I sorta have shoved that conversation to the back of my brain. I'm confronting it and thinking it will help me get through the next two treatments because my expectations for myself will be more realistic.
Today I'm grateful that I have a job that allows me to stay home when I need to and know that it will still be there when I'm ready to go back.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Bed time can be all day
So here's the short of it,
I've been in my pajamas all day; I've slept lots - in my bed or on the sofa.
And here's the long
I slept fitfully last night. When I went to bed my temperature was near 100 - a definite call for taking some Tylenol.
Today my body was acting as though it was on the chemo schedule. It was almost as if the old body said, "I'm supposed to be sick this week!" I have the diarrhea coming back, fever and chills, and just fatigue. Of course, one of the side effects of Procrit can be either constipation or diarrhea as well as fatigue. And Herceptin can cause fever and chills. So none of what I'm experiencing should be unexpected; it's just that I had my heart set on a few more good days since my Taxotere and Carboplatin were postponed until this coming week. I just read a wonderful biopic of a woman who runs a bait boat off the coast of Florida - she has the lesson I'm probably supposed to take from this - "If you want to see God laugh, make a plan."
I'm not planning on going in to work tomorrow, since I've had fever today. I'll certainly check my e-mail from home and see if there's stuff I can do from home, but mostly I'm planning to just keep low and slow and try to get better. I may even stay in my pajamas again tomorrow.
I didn't even have enough energy to take Sophie out for an evening romp. Thankfully, Valdis is here and did that! Otherwise, I'm afraid we'd have had a puppy wild incident right in the middle of the night!
I've been in my pajamas all day; I've slept lots - in my bed or on the sofa.
And here's the long
I slept fitfully last night. When I went to bed my temperature was near 100 - a definite call for taking some Tylenol.
Today my body was acting as though it was on the chemo schedule. It was almost as if the old body said, "I'm supposed to be sick this week!" I have the diarrhea coming back, fever and chills, and just fatigue. Of course, one of the side effects of Procrit can be either constipation or diarrhea as well as fatigue. And Herceptin can cause fever and chills. So none of what I'm experiencing should be unexpected; it's just that I had my heart set on a few more good days since my Taxotere and Carboplatin were postponed until this coming week. I just read a wonderful biopic of a woman who runs a bait boat off the coast of Florida - she has the lesson I'm probably supposed to take from this - "If you want to see God laugh, make a plan."
I'm not planning on going in to work tomorrow, since I've had fever today. I'll certainly check my e-mail from home and see if there's stuff I can do from home, but mostly I'm planning to just keep low and slow and try to get better. I may even stay in my pajamas again tomorrow.
I didn't even have enough energy to take Sophie out for an evening romp. Thankfully, Valdis is here and did that! Otherwise, I'm afraid we'd have had a puppy wild incident right in the middle of the night!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The good and the bad
So here's the short of it,
I had a good morning, but a pretty yucky afternoon and evening.
And here's the long
This morning we went to Temple for Rosh Hashanah services. It was long, and I was tired by the end! Actually for those who go to conservative or orthodox services, it was not long, just long to me. We missed Mommy Anne. When I spoke with her this morning she said she was getting ready, but when Alan got there to pick her up, she had decided that she didn't feel well enough to go. The service was lovely, and the sermon was something for me to think about. Rabbi Tepper's theme was the choice we have to kvetch or to kvell. He suggested we forgo the temptation to kvetch.
After services we went to lunch and took my Mom and the kids. We went to Longhorn and I ordered a steak! I thought some red meat might be a good thing for my red blood counts, even though Dr. Schlabach has said that I can't eat enough of what I need to help much. Lunch was so pleasant. I can hardly believe that Liga and Valdis are such grown up young adults. They are so interesting, and have such interesting contributions to our conversations, and they are both very good with their grandparents. It was very nice.
By the time I got home, I was absolutely exhausted and slept until very late this afternoon - and then by the time I woke up I had a temperature, a sore throat, an ear ache, and horrible gas. The gas is not to be trusted though. It might not really be gas; it could be diarrhea! This is the first time I've had this symptom visit.
This evening, my brother Steve and his wife Pat stopped by for a visit. They are on their way home from babysitting for Madison, their granddaughter. They had a wonderful time and are so excited about her. We swapped grandparent stories, and of course parent stories. They will spend the night with Mom and go spend some time with Dad in the morning.
Tonight, in spite of not feeling well, I took Sophie out to get some of that puppy wild out of her system. I knew if I wanted to have any peace tonight, she had to go out and have a bit of running around. Our neighbor had on a baseball cap, and it was funny to see her reaction to it. She is afraid of anything new. She seemed to know it was Gina and wanted to go and get a pet, but she also maybe thought it wasn't really her because that hat made her look different. In a couple of minutes, she got it figured out and enjoyed a tummy pet. I had to break off her walk, because I started feeling nauseated. I came in and took some ginger and drank a glass of ginger ale. I haven't had any dinner; I think I'll just pass on that.
I had big plans for tomorrow. Now it's seeming like maybe my plans should be about staying in bed really late, getting up for a while, and then getting back into bed for a good long nap, a couple of times throughout the day.
I had a good morning, but a pretty yucky afternoon and evening.
And here's the long
This morning we went to Temple for Rosh Hashanah services. It was long, and I was tired by the end! Actually for those who go to conservative or orthodox services, it was not long, just long to me. We missed Mommy Anne. When I spoke with her this morning she said she was getting ready, but when Alan got there to pick her up, she had decided that she didn't feel well enough to go. The service was lovely, and the sermon was something for me to think about. Rabbi Tepper's theme was the choice we have to kvetch or to kvell. He suggested we forgo the temptation to kvetch.
After services we went to lunch and took my Mom and the kids. We went to Longhorn and I ordered a steak! I thought some red meat might be a good thing for my red blood counts, even though Dr. Schlabach has said that I can't eat enough of what I need to help much. Lunch was so pleasant. I can hardly believe that Liga and Valdis are such grown up young adults. They are so interesting, and have such interesting contributions to our conversations, and they are both very good with their grandparents. It was very nice.
By the time I got home, I was absolutely exhausted and slept until very late this afternoon - and then by the time I woke up I had a temperature, a sore throat, an ear ache, and horrible gas. The gas is not to be trusted though. It might not really be gas; it could be diarrhea! This is the first time I've had this symptom visit.
This evening, my brother Steve and his wife Pat stopped by for a visit. They are on their way home from babysitting for Madison, their granddaughter. They had a wonderful time and are so excited about her. We swapped grandparent stories, and of course parent stories. They will spend the night with Mom and go spend some time with Dad in the morning.
Tonight, in spite of not feeling well, I took Sophie out to get some of that puppy wild out of her system. I knew if I wanted to have any peace tonight, she had to go out and have a bit of running around. Our neighbor had on a baseball cap, and it was funny to see her reaction to it. She is afraid of anything new. She seemed to know it was Gina and wanted to go and get a pet, but she also maybe thought it wasn't really her because that hat made her look different. In a couple of minutes, she got it figured out and enjoyed a tummy pet. I had to break off her walk, because I started feeling nauseated. I came in and took some ginger and drank a glass of ginger ale. I haven't had any dinner; I think I'll just pass on that.
I had big plans for tomorrow. Now it's seeming like maybe my plans should be about staying in bed really late, getting up for a while, and then getting back into bed for a good long nap, a couple of times throughout the day.
Friday, September 18, 2009
I'll take another good day
So here's the short of it,
I've had a full day.
And here's the long
Today I've accomplished lots of work stuff, spent some time with Betsy, visited with Dad, and went to a lecture by John Dominic Crossnan .
I finished up a big project I've been working on and got some closure with a parent who had a school issue. I spent most of the day just right in front of the computer extracting documents from a large PDF data base and sending them to the appropriate people. It's done! I feel much better with that not hanging over my head. I don't know how I would have/could have gotten that done if I had actually had my chemo on Wednesday.
I visited Dad this afternoon after work. He's running temperature and is just so tired. He does open his eyes and acknowledge visitors, but he just is too tired to stay engaged. He is mostly sleeping. For more on his progress, check out Emily and Gene's blog.
It's really nice that Betsy came in to spend some time visiting Mom and Dad. I took time to meet them for lunch and then Betsy went with us to hear Crossnan this evening at Grace Episcopal Church. It was the kind of event that Alan and I really enjoy. Tonight he lectured on the state of the world during the 1st Century and what the Roman Empire was like - setting a context for the rise of Christianity. We bought a couple of books. I really don't feel like reading these days, but when I do, they'll be near the top of my list.
I'm really feeling pretty good now. I know that it's risky not to do Chemotherapy right on the predetermined schedule. I remember when I wanted to put it off for several days so that I could enjoy family and my oncology nurse, Lori, told me that it wasn't wise to do that unless it was palliative care. But since my body wasn't in shape to handle the onslaught of more chemo drugs, I've had an extra few days of respite. I haven't felt this good for this many days in a row since the last of May. So the silver lining of having a body that's rebelling against the chemotherapy is getting to have some kind of near normalcy for a few days.
There's a small little nagging feeling I want to share. Yesterday, I heard the news that Mary Travers died from complications of Chemotherapy. I'm incredibly sad that we've lost such a vibrant singer and personality and one who was so much an influence in the pop culture of my coming of age. I must also say that when I heard it, I caught my breath - especially since my difficulty with chemo is coming right about the same time. I know it's not the same, and I know I'm OK. I know; I know. I just wanted to share.
I've had a full day.
And here's the long
Today I've accomplished lots of work stuff, spent some time with Betsy, visited with Dad, and went to a lecture by John Dominic Crossnan .
I finished up a big project I've been working on and got some closure with a parent who had a school issue. I spent most of the day just right in front of the computer extracting documents from a large PDF data base and sending them to the appropriate people. It's done! I feel much better with that not hanging over my head. I don't know how I would have/could have gotten that done if I had actually had my chemo on Wednesday.
I visited Dad this afternoon after work. He's running temperature and is just so tired. He does open his eyes and acknowledge visitors, but he just is too tired to stay engaged. He is mostly sleeping. For more on his progress, check out Emily and Gene's blog.
It's really nice that Betsy came in to spend some time visiting Mom and Dad. I took time to meet them for lunch and then Betsy went with us to hear Crossnan this evening at Grace Episcopal Church. It was the kind of event that Alan and I really enjoy. Tonight he lectured on the state of the world during the 1st Century and what the Roman Empire was like - setting a context for the rise of Christianity. We bought a couple of books. I really don't feel like reading these days, but when I do, they'll be near the top of my list.
I'm really feeling pretty good now. I know that it's risky not to do Chemotherapy right on the predetermined schedule. I remember when I wanted to put it off for several days so that I could enjoy family and my oncology nurse, Lori, told me that it wasn't wise to do that unless it was palliative care. But since my body wasn't in shape to handle the onslaught of more chemo drugs, I've had an extra few days of respite. I haven't felt this good for this many days in a row since the last of May. So the silver lining of having a body that's rebelling against the chemotherapy is getting to have some kind of near normalcy for a few days.
There's a small little nagging feeling I want to share. Yesterday, I heard the news that Mary Travers died from complications of Chemotherapy. I'm incredibly sad that we've lost such a vibrant singer and personality and one who was so much an influence in the pop culture of my coming of age. I must also say that when I heard it, I caught my breath - especially since my difficulty with chemo is coming right about the same time. I know it's not the same, and I know I'm OK. I know; I know. I just wanted to share.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Flooding, Diarrhea, and Coffee
So here's the short of it,
I was so tired this morning, partly because the rain kept me up, and I'm having diarrhea difficulties again.
And here's the long
Maybe knowing my red counts are so low played into my feeling so tired this morning. Or maybe part of it was that the storm was so hard that it woke me and kept me up some of the night. It was very hard for me to get up and get started this morning. But I finally did. Then Mom called and the creek - it's actually a concrete lined storm ditch had flooded way up into her yard. She said there was something metal blocking at the bridge. So I went by there to see what was going on and there was an industrial dumpster in that ditch up against the bridge! I called 311 to report it to the city and she said "Honey, do you mean a trash can?" I replied, "No, a blue industrial size dumpster." I'm not sure she believed me. I told her that with rain predicted it would flood again if it wasn't removed. At any rate later in the morning, Alan went down and got the name of the company the dumpster belonged to, gave them a call and in very little time, they were there, assessed the situation, and got the right equipment in and got it removed! I think they had lost several dumpsters in the deluge. But I'll bet the city still hasn't been by to check on it!
Anyway, I was long gone by the time that happened, but on my way to work, my diarrhea hit and I had to turn around and go home, clean up, and change my clothes. I thought long and hard about not going in to work, but decided to go anyway. And I did fine the rest of the day and finished a project that's been hanging over my head!
This evening after work I went by to see Dad. He seems not to be feeling well. Mom is pretty conflicted about staying with him. Her back is really bothering her, and she really wants to stay. She decided finally to go spend some time with him this evening and then come home for the evening.
I made an accidental discovery tonight. I've not been able to drink coffee much at all since starting chemotherapy. Tonight Alan was having some decaf with cream and splenda, of course, I love my coffee as is - black, pretty strong, and hot. But tonight, I took a sip and it tasted good! So I drank some of it and I think it might be a way to get some coffee til this is all done! We'll see. One thing I've noticed is that something that I can eat or drink in one chemotherapy cycle doesn't necessarily taste good in the next cycle.
I'm going to try to work tomorrow for at least a half day. We'll see how it goes. I'm spending a bit of time visualizing red blood cells being manufactured.
I was so tired this morning, partly because the rain kept me up, and I'm having diarrhea difficulties again.
And here's the long
Maybe knowing my red counts are so low played into my feeling so tired this morning. Or maybe part of it was that the storm was so hard that it woke me and kept me up some of the night. It was very hard for me to get up and get started this morning. But I finally did. Then Mom called and the creek - it's actually a concrete lined storm ditch had flooded way up into her yard. She said there was something metal blocking at the bridge. So I went by there to see what was going on and there was an industrial dumpster in that ditch up against the bridge! I called 311 to report it to the city and she said "Honey, do you mean a trash can?" I replied, "No, a blue industrial size dumpster." I'm not sure she believed me. I told her that with rain predicted it would flood again if it wasn't removed. At any rate later in the morning, Alan went down and got the name of the company the dumpster belonged to, gave them a call and in very little time, they were there, assessed the situation, and got the right equipment in and got it removed! I think they had lost several dumpsters in the deluge. But I'll bet the city still hasn't been by to check on it!
Anyway, I was long gone by the time that happened, but on my way to work, my diarrhea hit and I had to turn around and go home, clean up, and change my clothes. I thought long and hard about not going in to work, but decided to go anyway. And I did fine the rest of the day and finished a project that's been hanging over my head!
This evening after work I went by to see Dad. He seems not to be feeling well. Mom is pretty conflicted about staying with him. Her back is really bothering her, and she really wants to stay. She decided finally to go spend some time with him this evening and then come home for the evening.
I made an accidental discovery tonight. I've not been able to drink coffee much at all since starting chemotherapy. Tonight Alan was having some decaf with cream and splenda, of course, I love my coffee as is - black, pretty strong, and hot. But tonight, I took a sip and it tasted good! So I drank some of it and I think it might be a way to get some coffee til this is all done! We'll see. One thing I've noticed is that something that I can eat or drink in one chemotherapy cycle doesn't necessarily taste good in the next cycle.
I'm going to try to work tomorrow for at least a half day. We'll see how it goes. I'm spending a bit of time visualizing red blood cells being manufactured.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Bad News, Good News
So here's the short of it,
My red count was too low for a treatment today so it's been postponed until next week.
And here's the long
Well, I did NOT have a TCH treatment today. I only got Herceptin. My red blood counts continue to be low. Dr. Schlabach said my bone marrow is screaming. I imagine it's screaming something like "give me a rest". Anyway the bone marrow is where the red blood cells are manufactured. I had another injection of Procrit which is supposed to help me manufacture more red blood cells, and the TCH treatment was postponed until next week.
I was looking for a link to explain the function of red blood cells, and found one at Wiki answers.
Q: What Is the function of red blood cells?
A: They keep you from dying; they keep you from dying.
Anyway, I basically have Chemo induced anemia. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the cells and Carbon Dioxide away. The low counts are a good reminder of why my energy and stamina are so low. My platelet count is also very low. Platelets are what allow your blood to clot! No wonder all my little boo- boos bleed so much. And it is no problem at all to get a blood sample from a finger prick!
Anyway, a week of respite from the Taxotere and Carboplatin should allow my blood counts to get closer to normal. A part of this precautionary move is to prevent me from having to have a blood transfusion. Apparently it is not uncommon for patients who are undergoing chemotherapy to have blood transfusions, but it is preferred to have one's own body replenish the counts rather than transfusing.
Dr. Schlabach also had the results of my echocardiogram. It is within normal limits and close to where the first one was. That's all a good thing. It turns out that it is the Herceptin that is most likely to cause heart difficulties - and it was a side effect in only a small percentage of patients. However, my Dad is a living example of what less than 1% is when it happens!
So one of the silver linings of the postponement, is that it will also postpone my last treatment by a week. That means that when my niece Elizabeth and husband Josh, and their son Elijah (he calls himself YahYah) are here to visit I will be on the end of a cycle, not the beginning and I'll actually be able to interact with them and enjoy their company!
My feelings are conflicted this evening. You know, I really get myself emotionally and mentally prepared before each of the TCH treatments, so in that way it was a bit of a let down not to actually have the treatment. I had spent a good bit of time thinking about having them almost done - being all finished except for one, and on and on and on. So in that sense it's a big disappointment. On the other hand (as Tevye said in Fiddler on the Roof) there's always another hand, I'm glad to have a week of respite from my symptoms and know that I'll be strong enough to visit Dad and Mommy Anne for a few more days. I'll be able to work four more days or 1/2 days depending on my strength. And I'll have another weekend to enjoy some activities. This weekend is Rosh Hashanah and I'll be able to go to Temple on Saturday and then enjoy some afternoon time with Alan and the kids. So there's bad and then there's good, just like everything else in life.
I am so grateful to have such an army of supporters who sustain me with positive thoughts, prayers, and messages.
My red count was too low for a treatment today so it's been postponed until next week.
And here's the long
Well, I did NOT have a TCH treatment today. I only got Herceptin. My red blood counts continue to be low. Dr. Schlabach said my bone marrow is screaming. I imagine it's screaming something like "give me a rest". Anyway the bone marrow is where the red blood cells are manufactured. I had another injection of Procrit which is supposed to help me manufacture more red blood cells, and the TCH treatment was postponed until next week.
I was looking for a link to explain the function of red blood cells, and found one at Wiki answers.
Q: What Is the function of red blood cells?
A: They keep you from dying; they keep you from dying.
Anyway, I basically have Chemo induced anemia. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the cells and Carbon Dioxide away. The low counts are a good reminder of why my energy and stamina are so low. My platelet count is also very low. Platelets are what allow your blood to clot! No wonder all my little boo- boos bleed so much. And it is no problem at all to get a blood sample from a finger prick!
Anyway, a week of respite from the Taxotere and Carboplatin should allow my blood counts to get closer to normal. A part of this precautionary move is to prevent me from having to have a blood transfusion. Apparently it is not uncommon for patients who are undergoing chemotherapy to have blood transfusions, but it is preferred to have one's own body replenish the counts rather than transfusing.
Dr. Schlabach also had the results of my echocardiogram. It is within normal limits and close to where the first one was. That's all a good thing. It turns out that it is the Herceptin that is most likely to cause heart difficulties - and it was a side effect in only a small percentage of patients. However, my Dad is a living example of what less than 1% is when it happens!
So one of the silver linings of the postponement, is that it will also postpone my last treatment by a week. That means that when my niece Elizabeth and husband Josh, and their son Elijah (he calls himself YahYah) are here to visit I will be on the end of a cycle, not the beginning and I'll actually be able to interact with them and enjoy their company!
My feelings are conflicted this evening. You know, I really get myself emotionally and mentally prepared before each of the TCH treatments, so in that way it was a bit of a let down not to actually have the treatment. I had spent a good bit of time thinking about having them almost done - being all finished except for one, and on and on and on. So in that sense it's a big disappointment. On the other hand (as Tevye said in Fiddler on the Roof) there's always another hand, I'm glad to have a week of respite from my symptoms and know that I'll be strong enough to visit Dad and Mommy Anne for a few more days. I'll be able to work four more days or 1/2 days depending on my strength. And I'll have another weekend to enjoy some activities. This weekend is Rosh Hashanah and I'll be able to go to Temple on Saturday and then enjoy some afternoon time with Alan and the kids. So there's bad and then there's good, just like everything else in life.
I am so grateful to have such an army of supporters who sustain me with positive thoughts, prayers, and messages.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Getting Ready for Treatment Five
So here's the short of it,
Today was echocardiogram, short visit with Dad, work in the afternoon, a trip to get my glasses adjusted, and home for the evening.
And here's the long
This morning I slept in for awhile since I didn't work in the morning. The echocardiogram is a simple ultrasound procedure. It was really fun to be able to see my heart beating on the monitor. I will have to say the gel they use is cold; I wonder why it can't be warmed up! Anyway, it was very easy and I'll be eager to have the results tomorrow. The Carboplatin and Herceptin can cause heart damage. The Taxotere can cause fluid build up in the chest (and elsewhere). My gut feeling is that my heart is fine. So tomorrow I'll get a confirmation on that.
After the echocardiogram, Alan and I went by to see Dad for a bit. He had his eyes open more that usual today. He was able to focus on us and seemed to be alert. Mom was there when we we stopped by. She goes to visit Dad at least two times every day and often she is there three times. She spent the night last night and came home very early, and was back there watching out for him and advocating for his needs.
This afternoon I spent the afternoon getting some work done on my project. It's ready to send out, so I'm hoping to get that done in the morning before I go in for my treatment! If not, I'll be able to put it on a flash drive and bring it home and do it from here. Before I came home I went to have my glasses adjusted. That may be the first just ordinary errand I've done since my surgery. I've gone to the grocery store before, but it seemed so ordinary to go get my glasses adjusted. It seemed like I got back a little piece of normal for just a little while.
This evening when I got home I had a chill, so I slept for awhile, then took Sophie out for an evening romp. She is getting to be such a big girl! I love to watch her playing out on the circle, especially when the neighbor's dogs come out and they play chase. It's so good for getting her calmed down enough to have a relatively relaxed evening. When something happens and she doesn't get out, she can be pretty puppy wild. Tonight I was sitting on the edge of the bed talking to Alan and she jumped up on the bed and laid down next to him. I don't know if I was more startled that she did it, or that he didn't seem to mind.
Tomorrow is treatment number five! If you have time at about 1:00 tomorrow afternoon, I'd sure appreciate you sending positive thoughts and prayers my way.
Today was echocardiogram, short visit with Dad, work in the afternoon, a trip to get my glasses adjusted, and home for the evening.
And here's the long
This morning I slept in for awhile since I didn't work in the morning. The echocardiogram is a simple ultrasound procedure. It was really fun to be able to see my heart beating on the monitor. I will have to say the gel they use is cold; I wonder why it can't be warmed up! Anyway, it was very easy and I'll be eager to have the results tomorrow. The Carboplatin and Herceptin can cause heart damage. The Taxotere can cause fluid build up in the chest (and elsewhere). My gut feeling is that my heart is fine. So tomorrow I'll get a confirmation on that.
After the echocardiogram, Alan and I went by to see Dad for a bit. He had his eyes open more that usual today. He was able to focus on us and seemed to be alert. Mom was there when we we stopped by. She goes to visit Dad at least two times every day and often she is there three times. She spent the night last night and came home very early, and was back there watching out for him and advocating for his needs.
This afternoon I spent the afternoon getting some work done on my project. It's ready to send out, so I'm hoping to get that done in the morning before I go in for my treatment! If not, I'll be able to put it on a flash drive and bring it home and do it from here. Before I came home I went to have my glasses adjusted. That may be the first just ordinary errand I've done since my surgery. I've gone to the grocery store before, but it seemed so ordinary to go get my glasses adjusted. It seemed like I got back a little piece of normal for just a little while.
This evening when I got home I had a chill, so I slept for awhile, then took Sophie out for an evening romp. She is getting to be such a big girl! I love to watch her playing out on the circle, especially when the neighbor's dogs come out and they play chase. It's so good for getting her calmed down enough to have a relatively relaxed evening. When something happens and she doesn't get out, she can be pretty puppy wild. Tonight I was sitting on the edge of the bed talking to Alan and she jumped up on the bed and laid down next to him. I don't know if I was more startled that she did it, or that he didn't seem to mind.
Tomorrow is treatment number five! If you have time at about 1:00 tomorrow afternoon, I'd sure appreciate you sending positive thoughts and prayers my way.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Another Good Day
So here's the short of it,
Today I worked, I visited Dad, and Alan and I went to have dinner with Mommy Anne.
And here's the long
Work went fine today. I was in an elementary school. I'll have to admit that made me a little nervous, but my blood counts should be at a high today and I was very careful about not touching door knobs, or the table where we sat, and all that stuff. I spent the rest of the day at my office where there are very few people around and got almost finished with one step of a big project I'm working on.
After work, I stopped by Kindred and had some time with Dad. He's not been feeling well at all, and it was good to see him. His temperature was down near normal last night, but it's been pretty high today. At one point it was 102. something. They have started him on Vancomycin. Mom was there while I was there this evening and I enjoyed spending time with Dad while she was there. She may decide to spend the night again tonight.
Tonight Alan and I went over and ate dinner with Mommy Anne. I can't go see her most of the time because I can't be out, but it was such a lovely evening. We had dinner, and she said the food was really good. I have always found the food to be pretty good myself. After we ate, we went out and sat in the gazebo, and she said she goes out to sit with one of the other ladies this afternoon. There was an "island celebration" this afternoon, and she went. Her table mate said she often goes to the trivia game they have regularly, and Ms. Johnson said, "she knows a lot of the answers, too". Tomorrow they are doing lots of different activities related to religions - I'm guessing representing the people who live there. Mommy Anne really perked up at the session they are doing on Jewish Weddings. She's planning to go!
Alan read last night's blog and reminded me that I can't work tomorrow morning because I have an echocardiogram scheduled. I'm really grateful that Alan had that on his calendar. I don't know how I missed on that. I'm also so grateful that heart monitoring is a part of the treatment process. All three of the drugs, Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin have possible heart side effects - so the report will be ready when I get to my doctor appointment before my treatment on Wednesday and I'll find out what it says. My first echocardiogram was just fine. I guess getting my heart checked out in great detail is one of the silver linings of having to go through this treatment protocol!
I'll work tomorrow afternoon and see how much I can polish off.
Thanks to all of you for your support, your e-mails, your comments, and the absolute love and caring that I feel every step of the way.
Today I worked, I visited Dad, and Alan and I went to have dinner with Mommy Anne.
And here's the long
Work went fine today. I was in an elementary school. I'll have to admit that made me a little nervous, but my blood counts should be at a high today and I was very careful about not touching door knobs, or the table where we sat, and all that stuff. I spent the rest of the day at my office where there are very few people around and got almost finished with one step of a big project I'm working on.
After work, I stopped by Kindred and had some time with Dad. He's not been feeling well at all, and it was good to see him. His temperature was down near normal last night, but it's been pretty high today. At one point it was 102. something. They have started him on Vancomycin. Mom was there while I was there this evening and I enjoyed spending time with Dad while she was there. She may decide to spend the night again tonight.
Tonight Alan and I went over and ate dinner with Mommy Anne. I can't go see her most of the time because I can't be out, but it was such a lovely evening. We had dinner, and she said the food was really good. I have always found the food to be pretty good myself. After we ate, we went out and sat in the gazebo, and she said she goes out to sit with one of the other ladies this afternoon. There was an "island celebration" this afternoon, and she went. Her table mate said she often goes to the trivia game they have regularly, and Ms. Johnson said, "she knows a lot of the answers, too". Tomorrow they are doing lots of different activities related to religions - I'm guessing representing the people who live there. Mommy Anne really perked up at the session they are doing on Jewish Weddings. She's planning to go!
Alan read last night's blog and reminded me that I can't work tomorrow morning because I have an echocardiogram scheduled. I'm really grateful that Alan had that on his calendar. I don't know how I missed on that. I'm also so grateful that heart monitoring is a part of the treatment process. All three of the drugs, Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin have possible heart side effects - so the report will be ready when I get to my doctor appointment before my treatment on Wednesday and I'll find out what it says. My first echocardiogram was just fine. I guess getting my heart checked out in great detail is one of the silver linings of having to go through this treatment protocol!
I'll work tomorrow afternoon and see how much I can polish off.
Thanks to all of you for your support, your e-mails, your comments, and the absolute love and caring that I feel every step of the way.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A Good Day
So here's the short of it,
Today was another pretty good day.
And here's the long
I slept in a bit this morning. The nausea is just really aiming at me this time around, so I got the day started with anti-nausea medicine. After my stomach settled down, I just puttered around a little in the kitchen - I liked putting some things away and clearing off some space.
Late this afternoon, Mom and I spent some time visiting Dad. He's got an infection and fever and was sleeping most of the time we were there. Mom was awfully tired as well and spent some time napping while we were there. This evening when she went back to check on him, his temperature was down and he was much more comfortable.
I'm planning to work a full day tomorrow and Tuesday. I've got a couple of projects that I can do from my office and as far as I know only one meeting that will necessitate me being in a school building. That is tomorrow morning, and I'll be really careful. I've learned that if I hold my own hands it keeps me from touching things - it's become my protocol when I'm somewhere I worry about germs. It's been amazing to me just to notice how many things I touch without even thinking that could harbor germs - an elevator button, a conference table top, the door handle going into a school, the turn handle on the paper towel dispenser in bathrooms and on and on and on!
I'm starting to think a bit about my treatment on Wednesday. It will be my next to last treatment with Taxotere and Carboplatin! I feel like I will have really passed a milestone when I have that one under my belt. So in some strange way I'm starting to look forward to it.
Today was another pretty good day.
And here's the long
I slept in a bit this morning. The nausea is just really aiming at me this time around, so I got the day started with anti-nausea medicine. After my stomach settled down, I just puttered around a little in the kitchen - I liked putting some things away and clearing off some space.
Late this afternoon, Mom and I spent some time visiting Dad. He's got an infection and fever and was sleeping most of the time we were there. Mom was awfully tired as well and spent some time napping while we were there. This evening when she went back to check on him, his temperature was down and he was much more comfortable.
I'm planning to work a full day tomorrow and Tuesday. I've got a couple of projects that I can do from my office and as far as I know only one meeting that will necessitate me being in a school building. That is tomorrow morning, and I'll be really careful. I've learned that if I hold my own hands it keeps me from touching things - it's become my protocol when I'm somewhere I worry about germs. It's been amazing to me just to notice how many things I touch without even thinking that could harbor germs - an elevator button, a conference table top, the door handle going into a school, the turn handle on the paper towel dispenser in bathrooms and on and on and on!
I'm starting to think a bit about my treatment on Wednesday. It will be my next to last treatment with Taxotere and Carboplatin! I feel like I will have really passed a milestone when I have that one under my belt. So in some strange way I'm starting to look forward to it.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Another Good Day
So here's the short of it,
I've had another pretty good day.
And here's the long
I've had pretty good energy today and haven't had any really awful symptoms. I was pretty nauseous this morning like yesterday, but I tricked the old stomach and only ate some saltines and took some nausea medicine, so I didn't get sick. I did have some coffee, just a few sips, before I felt the nausea, and if I'm not mistaken, yesterday I had a few sips of coffee before I was sick. Maybe it's just the coffee. I love coffee, and those who know me, know that I have a hard time getting going without several morning cups. But for most of the days after chemo, I don't want any coffee; it's just awful. For the first three treatments I started drinking it again a few days before the next treatment when my taster started kicking back in. This may be just a new thing, so no coffee tomorrow morning and we'll see what happens with the nausea.
I waited out my nausea and late this morning made a trip out to get in some groceries. It's the first time I've been in the grocery store since my last big treatment. I just took my time and didn't get in a hurry. I determined not to buy things to make, because I know that after next Wednesday I won't feel like making anything for awhile. I am rarely in the grocery store on a Saturday, but I wanted to have a leisurely tomorrow without having to worry about getting anything done. I was amazed at the long check out lines!
I also made a trip to get some specialty dog and cat food. Sophie has had horrible gas since we got her and I began investigating what would cause that because it really smells up whatever room she's in! That led me down a rabbit trail about dog nutrition and I've spent a good little bit of time reading all about what kind of food various groups recommend. One of the branches is a group of people who believe in a raw food diet. You can make your own raw food, or you can buy it premade and shipped frozen. But my favorite site is Raw Fed Dogs - and my favorite page on the site is the recipe list page. I got quite a charge out of his recipes! Anyway, we are not going to do a raw food diet, but I'm now not afraid to have some raw food treats on hand. As a matter of fact, Sophie enjoyed a raw meaty neckbone tonight as a treat - she's still chewing on it. We'll have to see what Lola girl will do when I try to switch her to a better food. She loves her dry kibble, which is apparently not so good for cats. They should be eating gushy foods! and ones that have lots of meat. I think I really didn't know that major commercial pet food used the meat that doesn't pass inspection for human consumption! And that they really use very little of that. Oh well, we'll see how this next phase of pet feeding goes - and what happens with Sophie's gas.
When I came home today, I noticed the TFI tomatoes in the garden had a bunch of little reddies on the vine! I went into the garden and picked them! For most of the summer I haven't even paid much attention to the tomatoes in the garden, Mom and my Aunts have taken charge of that, and Alan has kept them watered. Dad put a couple of tomato plants in those tospy turvy containers and brought them up just before his surgery. Alan put them on a pole right out on the patio and those are really the only ones I've paid much attention to - because the patio is about as far as I get most days when I'm not feeling well, and when I have felt well I've focused on something else. It was nice to get absorbed in the tomato plants in the garden for just a bit.
I'm so thankful to have a few days with a bit of energy and stamina.
I've had another pretty good day.
And here's the long
I've had pretty good energy today and haven't had any really awful symptoms. I was pretty nauseous this morning like yesterday, but I tricked the old stomach and only ate some saltines and took some nausea medicine, so I didn't get sick. I did have some coffee, just a few sips, before I felt the nausea, and if I'm not mistaken, yesterday I had a few sips of coffee before I was sick. Maybe it's just the coffee. I love coffee, and those who know me, know that I have a hard time getting going without several morning cups. But for most of the days after chemo, I don't want any coffee; it's just awful. For the first three treatments I started drinking it again a few days before the next treatment when my taster started kicking back in. This may be just a new thing, so no coffee tomorrow morning and we'll see what happens with the nausea.
I waited out my nausea and late this morning made a trip out to get in some groceries. It's the first time I've been in the grocery store since my last big treatment. I just took my time and didn't get in a hurry. I determined not to buy things to make, because I know that after next Wednesday I won't feel like making anything for awhile. I am rarely in the grocery store on a Saturday, but I wanted to have a leisurely tomorrow without having to worry about getting anything done. I was amazed at the long check out lines!
I also made a trip to get some specialty dog and cat food. Sophie has had horrible gas since we got her and I began investigating what would cause that because it really smells up whatever room she's in! That led me down a rabbit trail about dog nutrition and I've spent a good little bit of time reading all about what kind of food various groups recommend. One of the branches is a group of people who believe in a raw food diet. You can make your own raw food, or you can buy it premade and shipped frozen. But my favorite site is Raw Fed Dogs - and my favorite page on the site is the recipe list page. I got quite a charge out of his recipes! Anyway, we are not going to do a raw food diet, but I'm now not afraid to have some raw food treats on hand. As a matter of fact, Sophie enjoyed a raw meaty neckbone tonight as a treat - she's still chewing on it. We'll have to see what Lola girl will do when I try to switch her to a better food. She loves her dry kibble, which is apparently not so good for cats. They should be eating gushy foods! and ones that have lots of meat. I think I really didn't know that major commercial pet food used the meat that doesn't pass inspection for human consumption! And that they really use very little of that. Oh well, we'll see how this next phase of pet feeding goes - and what happens with Sophie's gas.
When I came home today, I noticed the TFI tomatoes in the garden had a bunch of little reddies on the vine! I went into the garden and picked them! For most of the summer I haven't even paid much attention to the tomatoes in the garden, Mom and my Aunts have taken charge of that, and Alan has kept them watered. Dad put a couple of tomato plants in those tospy turvy containers and brought them up just before his surgery. Alan put them on a pole right out on the patio and those are really the only ones I've paid much attention to - because the patio is about as far as I get most days when I'm not feeling well, and when I have felt well I've focused on something else. It was nice to get absorbed in the tomato plants in the garden for just a bit.
I'm so thankful to have a few days with a bit of energy and stamina.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Human Again
So here's the short of it,
Today is one of those, "I feel like a human being" days.
And here's the long
Yes, I really do feel like a human being. I did have a sudden, unexpected episode of nausea/vomiting that just hit me out of the blue as I was getting ready to go to work this morning. But it subsided and the rest of my day has been fine. I'm not having diarrhea, I can walk a good distance without wearing myself out, and my energy and stamina are pretty good. I have done enough today to be physically tired tonight. That's an unusual feeling these days. Mostly I'm just tired, exhausted, and sleepy, without that physical tiredness that comes from being busy and productive.
This evening on my way home I stopped to visit with Dad. His vitals are good except that he was running a temperature. He was alert and we visited a bit, but he's really tired. His pressure tonight is set at 18 and his supplemental oxygen at 40. I think when he has an infection or other health issues the attempt to breath on his own is so much more difficult.
Mom and Aunt Joyce came up for supper tonight. Mom brought a salad and we had really good lasagna that a friend brought in. It was nice to be able to get a dinner together without lots of work. So I got the enjoyment part without the hard work part.
I have a weekend coming when I should be feeling good and can be out and about if I'm careful. I can eat raw food - that means a salad! And lots of food is tasting more like I remember it pre-chemo. Tomatoes are still not good to me, darn it, but I can find some things to eat that will be good. So I have several days of feeling good before my next big treatment on Wednesday. I'm going to try really hard to stay right in the moment and not do something a friend calls "future tripping". I'm just not going to live in the post treatment days that haven't even arrived yet. They won't be what I imagine anyway, they will have their own set of unique challenges for me and I can wait to tackle them when they arrive.
Tonight I'm so thankful to those of you who hold me in your thoughts and prayers. When I am at my lowest ebb, it brings me strength to know that there is an incredible army of people providing positive energy and prayer.
Today is one of those, "I feel like a human being" days.
And here's the long
Yes, I really do feel like a human being. I did have a sudden, unexpected episode of nausea/vomiting that just hit me out of the blue as I was getting ready to go to work this morning. But it subsided and the rest of my day has been fine. I'm not having diarrhea, I can walk a good distance without wearing myself out, and my energy and stamina are pretty good. I have done enough today to be physically tired tonight. That's an unusual feeling these days. Mostly I'm just tired, exhausted, and sleepy, without that physical tiredness that comes from being busy and productive.
This evening on my way home I stopped to visit with Dad. His vitals are good except that he was running a temperature. He was alert and we visited a bit, but he's really tired. His pressure tonight is set at 18 and his supplemental oxygen at 40. I think when he has an infection or other health issues the attempt to breath on his own is so much more difficult.
Mom and Aunt Joyce came up for supper tonight. Mom brought a salad and we had really good lasagna that a friend brought in. It was nice to be able to get a dinner together without lots of work. So I got the enjoyment part without the hard work part.
I have a weekend coming when I should be feeling good and can be out and about if I'm careful. I can eat raw food - that means a salad! And lots of food is tasting more like I remember it pre-chemo. Tomatoes are still not good to me, darn it, but I can find some things to eat that will be good. So I have several days of feeling good before my next big treatment on Wednesday. I'm going to try really hard to stay right in the moment and not do something a friend calls "future tripping". I'm just not going to live in the post treatment days that haven't even arrived yet. They won't be what I imagine anyway, they will have their own set of unique challenges for me and I can wait to tackle them when they arrive.
Tonight I'm so thankful to those of you who hold me in your thoughts and prayers. When I am at my lowest ebb, it brings me strength to know that there is an incredible army of people providing positive energy and prayer.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A Good Day
So here's the short of it,
This has been a good day for me - comparatively for sure!
And here's the long
Today I went to work. I was very careful! I wiped down the table with disinfectant and tried very hard to make sure I didn't touch people and surfaces. I got a big project aabout half way done, and am so relieved. It's something that has needed to be done since the second week of school and just had to go on the back burner because I couldn't pull all the pieces I needed. I'll be able to finish it tomorrow I think.
Then after working all day long, I stopped by Kindred and had a great visit with Dad. He was more alert than he's been in a long time and I could really tell that he knew I was there. He knew it was me and responded to me - not just a general response. I'm really uplifted by tonight's visit.
Then later this evening I went to a Thursday night group that I've been attending for a few years. I've not been able to go much at all since surgery. It was great to see so many friends.
So all in all this has been a really good day. I'm planning another full work day tomorrow and will have a couple of weekend days to catch my breath.
This has been a good day for me - comparatively for sure!
And here's the long
Today I went to work. I was very careful! I wiped down the table with disinfectant and tried very hard to make sure I didn't touch people and surfaces. I got a big project aabout half way done, and am so relieved. It's something that has needed to be done since the second week of school and just had to go on the back burner because I couldn't pull all the pieces I needed. I'll be able to finish it tomorrow I think.
Then after working all day long, I stopped by Kindred and had a great visit with Dad. He was more alert than he's been in a long time and I could really tell that he knew I was there. He knew it was me and responded to me - not just a general response. I'm really uplifted by tonight's visit.
Then later this evening I went to a Thursday night group that I've been attending for a few years. I've not been able to go much at all since surgery. It was great to see so many friends.
So all in all this has been a really good day. I'm planning another full work day tomorrow and will have a couple of weekend days to catch my breath.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Afternoon Medical News
So here's the short of it,
This afternoon was filled with medical goings on - X-Ray, tPA, Herceptin, and finally Procit.
And here's the long
This afternoon I had the floroscopic X-Ray of my port. When I got to Erlanger, they didn't have the order for the X-Ray, so I had to wait for all that to get sent to registration - so I was running about 45 minutes behind. The procedure involves injecting a contrast dye and then the doctor watches it as it goes into the port and out into my vein. Once they got started, it went very quickly and the good news is that my port is right where it's supposed to be and it was letting stuff in just fine. Apparently my body thought it was a strange thing that needed to be taken care of and made a fibrin across the end of it which kept it from aspirating (giving blood). The fix for it was to infuse me with Tissue Plasminogen Activator (tPA). This is commonly called a clot buster and is used for people who are having strokes or heart attacks - probably in a different dosage! I was on the X-Ray table and heard the doctor say 100 mg for 2 hours. I said something like "so am I going to be here for 2 hours?" The answer was, "yes." I said, "uh, I have a treatment at 3:30." So we had a conversation about postponing either the tPA or the treatment until tomorrow. The needle was already in because of having to put the dye in, so I asked if they would call Dr. Schlabach's office and see if I could just be a little late. So the doctor compromised, and I got an hour and a half of tPA infusion and then went to Dr. Schlabach's office for my treatment.
The tPA worked just fine and dandy. The needle was already in so I just kept it in when I walked over from the special X-Ray section and didn't even have any of the prep stuff that's usually done. Just as soon as Lori pulled the syringe back it started to fill up with blood! It was pretty exciting to know that it's working well and that next week when I have my TCH it will be fine. Lori says that in most cases it doesn't have to be done again.
At the end of the treatment, I got my blood counts. I had been eagerly awaiting them and the other nurse who works with me came toward me shaking her head and saying my counts were really low. It just took my breath away. I don't think I even knew how much I wait for the OK so I can have a few days of visiting Dad. As she dropped off my counts and headed back toward the office, I just began to tear up and couldn't even speak. A couple of minutes later Alan came around the corner and my dear nurse came back and they both looked at me and asked what on earth was the matter. I couldn't even speak. The two of them conferred and Alan quickly figured out that I was upset because I couldn't go see Dad. Then my nurse spoke up and said, "Oh no, you can go if you're really careful. It's your red count that is so low!" What a relief! Well, my white counts are actually pretty low too - I really do have to be very careful not to expose myself to anything. I also think it's somewhat of a joke, that I'm relieved my red count is too low not my white count because that has it's own pretty severe dangers.
So now a part of my weekly treatment is the drug Procrit, which helps the body produce red blood cells. That should help with my fatigue. This was the first time I've ever had an injection in my belly. Lori explained that it burns like crazy if it's injected into the normal sites like the back of the arm. I didn't even feel the medicine go in. Lori had to make a call to the insurance company to have them approve the Procrit. They required a complete blood work up, including iron counts before they would approve it. She was on the phone with them for a good while and she shook her head as she said, "they only approved it for two weeks, we have to call back for another approval if you still need it after that." I remember on one of my early treatments, she was on the phone with an insurance company (not BCBS) trying to get nausea medication approved for an elderly gentleman. I overheard her say something like, I sure hope you never have to have chemotherapy if you have this insurance, because he won't be able to get through this if you don't approve nausea medicine. She was hot under the collar when she got off the phone that day, because they had approved it, but not enough. So I'm sitting in front of the TV getting ready to watch the President speak - how on earth can we fix this!
After we did finally get going, we went straight to see my Dad at Kindred. I was so relieved to see him. I know it sounds so trite, but my heart felt lighter when he opened his eyes and acknowledged me. After two weeks of not seeing him, I'll have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. He looked comfortable, and his color was good. He was not terribly alert, and dozed off at every break in the conversation. But when we made good eye contact and I could get him to hear me, he was very attentive. At one point he said, I love you and pursed his lips to throw me a kiss. I showed him pictures of Max, Madison, and Elijah. It was very apparent that he knew who they were and he was delighted to see them. He also responded well to Alan. I look forward to having good visits with him over the next week.
This afternoon was filled with medical goings on - X-Ray, tPA, Herceptin, and finally Procit.
And here's the long
This afternoon I had the floroscopic X-Ray of my port. When I got to Erlanger, they didn't have the order for the X-Ray, so I had to wait for all that to get sent to registration - so I was running about 45 minutes behind. The procedure involves injecting a contrast dye and then the doctor watches it as it goes into the port and out into my vein. Once they got started, it went very quickly and the good news is that my port is right where it's supposed to be and it was letting stuff in just fine. Apparently my body thought it was a strange thing that needed to be taken care of and made a fibrin across the end of it which kept it from aspirating (giving blood). The fix for it was to infuse me with Tissue Plasminogen Activator (tPA). This is commonly called a clot buster and is used for people who are having strokes or heart attacks - probably in a different dosage! I was on the X-Ray table and heard the doctor say 100 mg for 2 hours. I said something like "so am I going to be here for 2 hours?" The answer was, "yes." I said, "uh, I have a treatment at 3:30." So we had a conversation about postponing either the tPA or the treatment until tomorrow. The needle was already in because of having to put the dye in, so I asked if they would call Dr. Schlabach's office and see if I could just be a little late. So the doctor compromised, and I got an hour and a half of tPA infusion and then went to Dr. Schlabach's office for my treatment.
The tPA worked just fine and dandy. The needle was already in so I just kept it in when I walked over from the special X-Ray section and didn't even have any of the prep stuff that's usually done. Just as soon as Lori pulled the syringe back it started to fill up with blood! It was pretty exciting to know that it's working well and that next week when I have my TCH it will be fine. Lori says that in most cases it doesn't have to be done again.
At the end of the treatment, I got my blood counts. I had been eagerly awaiting them and the other nurse who works with me came toward me shaking her head and saying my counts were really low. It just took my breath away. I don't think I even knew how much I wait for the OK so I can have a few days of visiting Dad. As she dropped off my counts and headed back toward the office, I just began to tear up and couldn't even speak. A couple of minutes later Alan came around the corner and my dear nurse came back and they both looked at me and asked what on earth was the matter. I couldn't even speak. The two of them conferred and Alan quickly figured out that I was upset because I couldn't go see Dad. Then my nurse spoke up and said, "Oh no, you can go if you're really careful. It's your red count that is so low!" What a relief! Well, my white counts are actually pretty low too - I really do have to be very careful not to expose myself to anything. I also think it's somewhat of a joke, that I'm relieved my red count is too low not my white count because that has it's own pretty severe dangers.
So now a part of my weekly treatment is the drug Procrit, which helps the body produce red blood cells. That should help with my fatigue. This was the first time I've ever had an injection in my belly. Lori explained that it burns like crazy if it's injected into the normal sites like the back of the arm. I didn't even feel the medicine go in. Lori had to make a call to the insurance company to have them approve the Procrit. They required a complete blood work up, including iron counts before they would approve it. She was on the phone with them for a good while and she shook her head as she said, "they only approved it for two weeks, we have to call back for another approval if you still need it after that." I remember on one of my early treatments, she was on the phone with an insurance company (not BCBS) trying to get nausea medication approved for an elderly gentleman. I overheard her say something like, I sure hope you never have to have chemotherapy if you have this insurance, because he won't be able to get through this if you don't approve nausea medicine. She was hot under the collar when she got off the phone that day, because they had approved it, but not enough. So I'm sitting in front of the TV getting ready to watch the President speak - how on earth can we fix this!
After we did finally get going, we went straight to see my Dad at Kindred. I was so relieved to see him. I know it sounds so trite, but my heart felt lighter when he opened his eyes and acknowledged me. After two weeks of not seeing him, I'll have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. He looked comfortable, and his color was good. He was not terribly alert, and dozed off at every break in the conversation. But when we made good eye contact and I could get him to hear me, he was very attentive. At one point he said, I love you and pursed his lips to throw me a kiss. I showed him pictures of Max, Madison, and Elijah. It was very apparent that he knew who they were and he was delighted to see them. He also responded well to Alan. I look forward to having good visits with him over the next week.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Feeling Better
So here's the short of it,
I'm feeling better this evening.
And here's the long
I called my symptoms (fever and UTI type stuff) in to my oncology doctor's office, and they've sent out a prescription for Septra. I think I've taken it before for urinary tract infections. Anyway I got it just a little bit ago and will start it tonight. I hope it takes care of that symptom!
I'm feeling much stronger today, and am thinking that my blood counts will look good tomorrow and I'll be able to go back to work on Thursday. I'm looking forward to that; I've got lots of stuff waiting on me. And working is really good for me; it keeps me from being so preoccupied with all the details of what Mom recently called "this bad dream".
Today Mom sent the woman who cleans for her up to our house to do a few things (she split the time between me and Mom). This is about the 3rd time she's come, and it is such a relief to have her come. First of all, she is just a really nice person - she's honest, humble, and in interacting with her, I see that she has many life lessons I can learn. And second of all, she does some things that I don't have the strength or energy to do and does a wonderful job at them! It's been a treat for Mom to share her with me.
I've got a floroscopic x-ray scheduled for tomorrow. That should get us to the bottom of the troubles with the port. Then from there we'll get to know what procedure will be done to fix the problem - and I'll need to have that done before the next Wednesday I assume. I'm eager to discover what's going on and get it fixed.
I'm feeling better this evening.
And here's the long
I called my symptoms (fever and UTI type stuff) in to my oncology doctor's office, and they've sent out a prescription for Septra. I think I've taken it before for urinary tract infections. Anyway I got it just a little bit ago and will start it tonight. I hope it takes care of that symptom!
I'm feeling much stronger today, and am thinking that my blood counts will look good tomorrow and I'll be able to go back to work on Thursday. I'm looking forward to that; I've got lots of stuff waiting on me. And working is really good for me; it keeps me from being so preoccupied with all the details of what Mom recently called "this bad dream".
Today Mom sent the woman who cleans for her up to our house to do a few things (she split the time between me and Mom). This is about the 3rd time she's come, and it is such a relief to have her come. First of all, she is just a really nice person - she's honest, humble, and in interacting with her, I see that she has many life lessons I can learn. And second of all, she does some things that I don't have the strength or energy to do and does a wonderful job at them! It's been a treat for Mom to share her with me.
I've got a floroscopic x-ray scheduled for tomorrow. That should get us to the bottom of the troubles with the port. Then from there we'll get to know what procedure will be done to fix the problem - and I'll need to have that done before the next Wednesday I assume. I'm eager to discover what's going on and get it fixed.
Monday, September 7, 2009
So here's the short of it,
Fever again today, and sleeping most of the day.
And here's the long
Another day kind of like yesterday. I woke up feeling feverish, but no temperature registered until late this afternoon. Then I was at 99.8. I'm also still having UTI symptoms.
I made it from the bed to the shower and I did get dressed, but from there, I went directly to the sofa and I've spent most of the day dozing off and on. I've tried to drink as much as I can. I'm doing pretty well with a mix of orange juice and cranberry juice, and diluted grape juice is working OK as well. But I know I'm still not drinking as much as I should be for the symptoms I'm having.
I was planning to work at least a half day, but I suppose that since I've had fever for two days that I shouldn't. I'll call the doctor's office in the morning and see what they think I should do about it all.
My myopathy has improved. I'm not moving around very much, but when I do, I'm not completely exhausted.
Fever again today, and sleeping most of the day.
And here's the long
Another day kind of like yesterday. I woke up feeling feverish, but no temperature registered until late this afternoon. Then I was at 99.8. I'm also still having UTI symptoms.
I made it from the bed to the shower and I did get dressed, but from there, I went directly to the sofa and I've spent most of the day dozing off and on. I've tried to drink as much as I can. I'm doing pretty well with a mix of orange juice and cranberry juice, and diluted grape juice is working OK as well. But I know I'm still not drinking as much as I should be for the symptoms I'm having.
I was planning to work at least a half day, but I suppose that since I've had fever for two days that I shouldn't. I'll call the doctor's office in the morning and see what they think I should do about it all.
My myopathy has improved. I'm not moving around very much, but when I do, I'm not completely exhausted.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Fever Today
So here's the short of it,
For the first time I have fever.
And here's the long
I've continued not to feel well today. Since I woke, I've felt like I have a temperature, but nothing registered until about 5:30 this afternoon when it registered at 100. I'm not really sure what that means since all through my treatments, my temperature has registered anywhere from a degree to a half degree below. When I reported that to my nurse, she said they don't really worry about low temperatures. So I don't know if my temperature is 100 or closer to 101. And I'm supposed to call my doctor if my temperature reaches 101. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm taking advil to keep it down.
I still think I may have a urinary tract infection and that may be what's causing the fever. I have been working on drinking today - Mom brought me some cranberry juice today and I've been mixing it in orange juice. That's helped some. I know I need to concentrate more on getting more liquids in - I'm working on that as well.
Even though I've spent most of the day napping off and on, I'm still pretty tired. I imagine that whatever is going on is getting most of my energy.
Mom called earlier and told me that that when she visited Dad this morning, he was much more alert. Perhaps by the time I see him on Wednesday we can have a good visit.
For the first time I have fever.
And here's the long
I've continued not to feel well today. Since I woke, I've felt like I have a temperature, but nothing registered until about 5:30 this afternoon when it registered at 100. I'm not really sure what that means since all through my treatments, my temperature has registered anywhere from a degree to a half degree below. When I reported that to my nurse, she said they don't really worry about low temperatures. So I don't know if my temperature is 100 or closer to 101. And I'm supposed to call my doctor if my temperature reaches 101. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm taking advil to keep it down.
I still think I may have a urinary tract infection and that may be what's causing the fever. I have been working on drinking today - Mom brought me some cranberry juice today and I've been mixing it in orange juice. That's helped some. I know I need to concentrate more on getting more liquids in - I'm working on that as well.
Even though I've spent most of the day napping off and on, I'm still pretty tired. I imagine that whatever is going on is getting most of my energy.
Mom called earlier and told me that that when she visited Dad this morning, he was much more alert. Perhaps by the time I see him on Wednesday we can have a good visit.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Stronger Today
So here's the short of it,
Some of my strength is returning.
And here's the long
I did not get to sleep early last night, and I slept in this morning. I'm going to take some melatonin tonight to see if I can get to sleep earlier than 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. Of course, the long, deep-sleep nap I took this afternoon probably won't help with that agenda.
I do feel stronger. I'm eating a bit better, and I'm more alert. This evening I walked around the circle one time. I'll admit it was a really slow walk; I might have even looked like I wasn't really going to make it. I had let Alan know I was going and he must have been watching me from a window, because when I got about three quarters of the way around, he came to the door and yelled out to ask if I was OK. I was, and I made it all the way around and back in the house. That's a huge leap from last Sunday when I could hardly walk from the back of the house to the front without feeling like I'd run a marathon. I am, however, still very weak and have very little stamina. It really doesn't take much at all to completely exhaust me.
It seems as though I may be developing another urinary tract infection. I know I'm not drinking enough. I've discovered that I can drink unsweetened tea. I've been drinking diluted juices ever since Daniel's last visit when he made that great suggestion, but it's just hard to get as much liquid as I need to. I'm making a concerted effort to work on that especially in light of this possible new development. Mom brought me some cranberry juice tonight; I haven't tried it yet - hope I'll be able to drink it.
This increase in strength makes me think I'm on the upturn for this cycle. Maybe tomorrow I'll be even stronger. And by Wednesday, perhaps I'll be in good enough shape to go see Dad.
Sophie update -
Today is Sophie's 4 month birthday. She is such a good pup. When Mom stops by to see me, she declares that Sophie has grown from the last visit. It's really funny to see such a puppy inside that big body. She probably weighs 35 pounds by now, and most of the time is just as sweet as can be. She knows sit. She will "get it" if one of us throws a ball or toy. She will "bring it" after she's "gets it". She responds almost always to "Sophie, come". And she is doing a good job of making friends with Lola. She is potty trained! She hasn't had any accidents in over a week, and goes out without having to be prompted to do her "potty business". She's also socializing very well with the neighbor dogs large and small, as well as people. She still comes to guard me and bark when someone comes into the house until she figures out who they are.
Some of my strength is returning.
And here's the long
I did not get to sleep early last night, and I slept in this morning. I'm going to take some melatonin tonight to see if I can get to sleep earlier than 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. Of course, the long, deep-sleep nap I took this afternoon probably won't help with that agenda.
I do feel stronger. I'm eating a bit better, and I'm more alert. This evening I walked around the circle one time. I'll admit it was a really slow walk; I might have even looked like I wasn't really going to make it. I had let Alan know I was going and he must have been watching me from a window, because when I got about three quarters of the way around, he came to the door and yelled out to ask if I was OK. I was, and I made it all the way around and back in the house. That's a huge leap from last Sunday when I could hardly walk from the back of the house to the front without feeling like I'd run a marathon. I am, however, still very weak and have very little stamina. It really doesn't take much at all to completely exhaust me.
It seems as though I may be developing another urinary tract infection. I know I'm not drinking enough. I've discovered that I can drink unsweetened tea. I've been drinking diluted juices ever since Daniel's last visit when he made that great suggestion, but it's just hard to get as much liquid as I need to. I'm making a concerted effort to work on that especially in light of this possible new development. Mom brought me some cranberry juice tonight; I haven't tried it yet - hope I'll be able to drink it.
This increase in strength makes me think I'm on the upturn for this cycle. Maybe tomorrow I'll be even stronger. And by Wednesday, perhaps I'll be in good enough shape to go see Dad.
Sophie update -
Today is Sophie's 4 month birthday. She is such a good pup. When Mom stops by to see me, she declares that Sophie has grown from the last visit. It's really funny to see such a puppy inside that big body. She probably weighs 35 pounds by now, and most of the time is just as sweet as can be. She knows sit. She will "get it" if one of us throws a ball or toy. She will "bring it" after she's "gets it". She responds almost always to "Sophie, come". And she is doing a good job of making friends with Lola. She is potty trained! She hasn't had any accidents in over a week, and goes out without having to be prompted to do her "potty business". She's also socializing very well with the neighbor dogs large and small, as well as people. She still comes to guard me and bark when someone comes into the house until she figures out who they are.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Finding Courage
So here's the short of it,
Anticipating the near future and memories bring courage.
And here's the long
As I look back over the day it seems that maybe I've been a little stronger. I've stayed awake more, been hungrier, and may have a little more strength. I managed to spend a couple of hours taking care of a couple of work things that were a bit pressing and took care of some e-mail. I am very tired this evening and I'm hoping I'll feel like going to bed at a decent hour. I want to get my days and nights sorted out!
Dad was not doing very well this morning; Mom said that he was pretty unresponsive. He's doing better tonight; it's really hard to be 8 minutes away and not be able to go visit and check in - whether he's doing poorly or well. But it's a hollow feeling to have a report that he's not doing well and know that I can't risk exposing myself to the germs at Kindred. I've been expressly forbidden to go there by my doctor until my white blood counts are in the normal range. I'm eagerly anticipating my lab work on Wednesday - if I'm cleared, I'll go directly to see Dad when my treatment is over. Anticipating that gives me courage to keep on.
I'm not in a dark funk, but I'm so tired. My mind goes back over the years to one of the first people I remember who had cancer. Her name was Sarah True Pursiful. Her mother and father were dear friends of my parents, and her mother Thelma always treated me as a special young woman. I babysat Sarah True for a time one summer when she was a baby. They discovered cancer in her eyes as an infant and one of them was removed. When she was a young girl, the cancer returned as bone cancer in her leg. I was gone from home by the time it had returned, but I had frequent updates from my parents as she endured an amputation, chemotherapy, and finally succumbed to her cancer. When I'm in that funk - or when I'm just tired, I'm reminded of her, her youth, and her incredible sweetness and bravery - and I get a courage boost to keep on.
Anticipating the near future and memories bring courage.
And here's the long
As I look back over the day it seems that maybe I've been a little stronger. I've stayed awake more, been hungrier, and may have a little more strength. I managed to spend a couple of hours taking care of a couple of work things that were a bit pressing and took care of some e-mail. I am very tired this evening and I'm hoping I'll feel like going to bed at a decent hour. I want to get my days and nights sorted out!
Dad was not doing very well this morning; Mom said that he was pretty unresponsive. He's doing better tonight; it's really hard to be 8 minutes away and not be able to go visit and check in - whether he's doing poorly or well. But it's a hollow feeling to have a report that he's not doing well and know that I can't risk exposing myself to the germs at Kindred. I've been expressly forbidden to go there by my doctor until my white blood counts are in the normal range. I'm eagerly anticipating my lab work on Wednesday - if I'm cleared, I'll go directly to see Dad when my treatment is over. Anticipating that gives me courage to keep on.
I'm not in a dark funk, but I'm so tired. My mind goes back over the years to one of the first people I remember who had cancer. Her name was Sarah True Pursiful. Her mother and father were dear friends of my parents, and her mother Thelma always treated me as a special young woman. I babysat Sarah True for a time one summer when she was a baby. They discovered cancer in her eyes as an infant and one of them was removed. When she was a young girl, the cancer returned as bone cancer in her leg. I was gone from home by the time it had returned, but I had frequent updates from my parents as she endured an amputation, chemotherapy, and finally succumbed to her cancer. When I'm in that funk - or when I'm just tired, I'm reminded of her, her youth, and her incredible sweetness and bravery - and I get a courage boost to keep on.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Another Day on the Post Chemo Sofa
So here's the short of it,
Runny nose, weakness, and just waiting to feel better.
And here's the long
I am feeling pretty good today, although my diarrhea has been ever present even with the preventive medication. My runny nose is becoming more than just annoying. I am beginning to get sores inside my nose and need to remember my MD Anderson mouthwash routine! I asked Dr. Schlabach about the runny nose and got a most interesting explanation. My nose is crying! For some reason my tear production is routing through my nose, and I am just getting tearing running into my nose. Dr. Schlabach tried to explain why that happens, but I'll have to admit I didn't understand it. He suggested that some people have plugs put into their tear ducts to help with this side effect, but I already have that! I've also probably lost most of the hair in my nose - and one of it's jobs is to help in a couple of ways to prevent runny noses. So my routine is looking like lots of tissues, MD Anderson mouthwash, and Vasoline.
I've found a wonderful website that I've used as a great resource to answer lots of my questions during this process. I found this wonderful description of how I'm feeling. "Weakness is a lack of physical strength. Being weak may affect your balance and your ability to move around. You may feel you have to make more of an effort than usual to move your arms or legs. If you're feeling weak, you may find it harder to do your daily activities." Wow. That's right, I'm feeling weak! And I am so unaccustomed to that feeling that it's very frustrating. For example, tonight, I walked Sophie outside for some exercise and went to the end of the front sidewalk. I stopped there and a neighbor with her dog came by. We chatted and the dogs ran around in the front yard for about 15 minutes or so. I walked back into the house and was just absolutely out of breath and exhausted. I've spent most of the day on the sofa.
I'm amazed that this weekend coming up is Labor Day. I can't even relate to the notion of a long weekend anymore. I find myself just wanting to be strong enough or have high enough blood counts to go to work or if I am going to be home to be able to do some activity even if it's small.
I'm reminding myself that each cycle I get this down feeling at about this time and as I begin to feel stronger and my symptoms begin to fade a bit, I feel much more optimistic. So I'm looking forward to the days ahead when I'll be stronger, venture out of the house, and feel better about the whole ordeal.
Runny nose, weakness, and just waiting to feel better.
And here's the long
I am feeling pretty good today, although my diarrhea has been ever present even with the preventive medication. My runny nose is becoming more than just annoying. I am beginning to get sores inside my nose and need to remember my MD Anderson mouthwash routine! I asked Dr. Schlabach about the runny nose and got a most interesting explanation. My nose is crying! For some reason my tear production is routing through my nose, and I am just getting tearing running into my nose. Dr. Schlabach tried to explain why that happens, but I'll have to admit I didn't understand it. He suggested that some people have plugs put into their tear ducts to help with this side effect, but I already have that! I've also probably lost most of the hair in my nose - and one of it's jobs is to help in a couple of ways to prevent runny noses. So my routine is looking like lots of tissues, MD Anderson mouthwash, and Vasoline.
I've found a wonderful website that I've used as a great resource to answer lots of my questions during this process. I found this wonderful description of how I'm feeling. "Weakness is a lack of physical strength. Being weak may affect your balance and your ability to move around. You may feel you have to make more of an effort than usual to move your arms or legs. If you're feeling weak, you may find it harder to do your daily activities." Wow. That's right, I'm feeling weak! And I am so unaccustomed to that feeling that it's very frustrating. For example, tonight, I walked Sophie outside for some exercise and went to the end of the front sidewalk. I stopped there and a neighbor with her dog came by. We chatted and the dogs ran around in the front yard for about 15 minutes or so. I walked back into the house and was just absolutely out of breath and exhausted. I've spent most of the day on the sofa.
I'm amazed that this weekend coming up is Labor Day. I can't even relate to the notion of a long weekend anymore. I find myself just wanting to be strong enough or have high enough blood counts to go to work or if I am going to be home to be able to do some activity even if it's small.
I'm reminding myself that each cycle I get this down feeling at about this time and as I begin to feel stronger and my symptoms begin to fade a bit, I feel much more optimistic. So I'm looking forward to the days ahead when I'll be stronger, venture out of the house, and feel better about the whole ordeal.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Growing a Bit Stronger
So here's the short of it,
My Herceptin Treatment went well today. I'm still pretty weak.
And here's the long
I feel like I'm getting a little stronger, but I'm still weak - it's pretty frustrating. I'm used to being pretty strong and having lots of stamina. I guess there's some lesson I'm supposed to learn from this. If it's empathy - I think I got that and we can go on to another lesson. I'm imagining there's another kind of lesson that I need to learn or it wouldn't be hitting me over the head so hard!
Today my Herceptin Treatment went just fine. I did without the Benadryl and Tylenol for the first time. I think over the long run I'll be much better off if I don't have to take the Benadryl every week. My port still didn't aspirate, so next week I have to go in early for a floroscopic X-ray. It's not necessary for it to aspirate in order to use it for anything except the Taxotere, so we've got a little time to figure out what's wrong and "fix" it.
My blood counts are way down, but just barely above Monday's count. So I'm on the upward swing it appears. I've been counseled by my doctor that I should not be doing anything to expose myself to bad bugs. And with the flu making the rounds in the schools, it's pretty apparent that I need to be very careful about exposing myself to any of that. My sister-in-law just discovered that teachers are not considered a high risk group! That's so hard to believe. I do fall into the high risk group because of my suppressed immunity.
I may try to "go to work" from my computer for a bit tomorrow if I feel a little stronger.
My Herceptin Treatment went well today. I'm still pretty weak.
And here's the long
I feel like I'm getting a little stronger, but I'm still weak - it's pretty frustrating. I'm used to being pretty strong and having lots of stamina. I guess there's some lesson I'm supposed to learn from this. If it's empathy - I think I got that and we can go on to another lesson. I'm imagining there's another kind of lesson that I need to learn or it wouldn't be hitting me over the head so hard!
Today my Herceptin Treatment went just fine. I did without the Benadryl and Tylenol for the first time. I think over the long run I'll be much better off if I don't have to take the Benadryl every week. My port still didn't aspirate, so next week I have to go in early for a floroscopic X-ray. It's not necessary for it to aspirate in order to use it for anything except the Taxotere, so we've got a little time to figure out what's wrong and "fix" it.
My blood counts are way down, but just barely above Monday's count. So I'm on the upward swing it appears. I've been counseled by my doctor that I should not be doing anything to expose myself to bad bugs. And with the flu making the rounds in the schools, it's pretty apparent that I need to be very careful about exposing myself to any of that. My sister-in-law just discovered that teachers are not considered a high risk group! That's so hard to believe. I do fall into the high risk group because of my suppressed immunity.
I may try to "go to work" from my computer for a bit tomorrow if I feel a little stronger.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A Bit Stronger
So here's the short of it,
My leg muscles are a bit stronger, but I've spent most of the day on the sofa.
And here's the long
I am still pretty weak. I guess it's my quadriceps that are so weak, along with my glute muscles. So walking very far is pretty tiring. I get short of breath and still feel like I've run a long way after just a short walk. I'll have to say though, that I'm stronger than I was yesterday and I'm expecting that tomorrow I'll be even stronger. I hope that when I go back for my Herceptin treatment tomorrow afternoon Alan won't have to roll me along in the wheelchair again!
I've spent most of the day relaxing on the sofa. Dr. Schlabach told me to start to move about as I got stronger, so I've done that by walking around the house - back and forth from the bathroom several times - out to the yard to try to get Sophie to run around. But I'm not pushing myself too much.
I'll get blood counts again tomorrow. I was surprised at how low my white counts were yesterday! I'm really concerned about the flu virus and other yucky bugs that are around in the schools, but I also don't like just lying around all day! I think this being sick stuff is for some other person. If I'm going to be home all day, I'd at least like to have the energy to do something! (if I wanted to)
Alan took Sophie to the vet yesterday morning for a check up - she now weighs 35 pounds and will be 4 months old on Saturday. According to a formula I found online, that means that we should double her weight and add up to 10 pounds. Looks like she's going to be a pretty big girl! She is amazingly sweet and still pretty timid. But she is socializing nicely with the people and animals in the neighborhood. She and Lola are coming to terms with co-habitation. It's very clear that Lola is the one in charge, and that's quite funny. Lola is quite a small girl so it's pretty funny to see Lola put her running when she gets tired of the "herding" attempts.
I'm surprised at how tired I am for having done so little today. I think I'll sleep very nicely tonight.
My leg muscles are a bit stronger, but I've spent most of the day on the sofa.
And here's the long
I am still pretty weak. I guess it's my quadriceps that are so weak, along with my glute muscles. So walking very far is pretty tiring. I get short of breath and still feel like I've run a long way after just a short walk. I'll have to say though, that I'm stronger than I was yesterday and I'm expecting that tomorrow I'll be even stronger. I hope that when I go back for my Herceptin treatment tomorrow afternoon Alan won't have to roll me along in the wheelchair again!
I've spent most of the day relaxing on the sofa. Dr. Schlabach told me to start to move about as I got stronger, so I've done that by walking around the house - back and forth from the bathroom several times - out to the yard to try to get Sophie to run around. But I'm not pushing myself too much.
I'll get blood counts again tomorrow. I was surprised at how low my white counts were yesterday! I'm really concerned about the flu virus and other yucky bugs that are around in the schools, but I also don't like just lying around all day! I think this being sick stuff is for some other person. If I'm going to be home all day, I'd at least like to have the energy to do something! (if I wanted to)
Alan took Sophie to the vet yesterday morning for a check up - she now weighs 35 pounds and will be 4 months old on Saturday. According to a formula I found online, that means that we should double her weight and add up to 10 pounds. Looks like she's going to be a pretty big girl! She is amazingly sweet and still pretty timid. But she is socializing nicely with the people and animals in the neighborhood. She and Lola are coming to terms with co-habitation. It's very clear that Lola is the one in charge, and that's quite funny. Lola is quite a small girl so it's pretty funny to see Lola put her running when she gets tired of the "herding" attempts.
I'm surprised at how tired I am for having done so little today. I think I'll sleep very nicely tonight.
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