So here's the short of it,
Another radiation treatment done, and another year almost gone.

And here's the long

Today was radiation treatment number 22, and I had my weekly appointment with Dr. Gefter.  The rash on my chest is getting worse.  It is still not horribly uncomfortable, but he gave me instructions to begin to treat it. Apparently this chest irritation is a very common side effect, and it's location makes it a bit different from a rash in other places on the radiation field.  I am to wash it gently with an antibacterial soap two or three times per day and rinse it really well.  I'm still not to rub it with a cloth or anything so as not to abrade the skin, so I just pat it dry, and then I'm to put on a light coating of 1% hydrocortisone cream.  But I mustn't put on the cream within 4 hours of a radiation treatment.  I've done one treatment and I can already tell that the cream gives a calming effect.  I'm continuing with the cornstarch on all the rest of the area and saving the Radia-guard treatment lotion until the cornstarch isn't doing the job any more.

I had a Herceptin treatment today following my radiation.  Lori was leaving and so Elizabeth gave me my treatment.  Since she's not my regular nurse, she had forgotten that I don't have a port to use anymore, but she quickly got me going using a butterfly needle in the outside middle of my arm.  When they use a butterfly, I have to hold my arm really still for the treatment time.  Good thing it doesn't take so long.  I'm down to a little less than an hour and my treatment is done! 

This evening Mom came up for dinner.  It's still so strange not to have Dad coming in the door with her.  We were talking about New Year's and Mom reminded me that Dad always wanted to have plans for New Year's.  I think we are so tired out that whatever we do will end way before the ball drops this year!  But we'll do something to celebrate the New Year for sure.

So here's the short of it,
Just musings on another day. 

And here's the long

Today was radiation treatment number 21 of 36.  I'm developing a rash on the center of my chest at the top of the radiation field.  It's visible if I'm wearing a button up shirt with the collar button open.  So far it's not hurting or itching very badly, and it's the worst place I have so far.  I'm very thankful that I'm doing so well.

My hair is beginning to come back.  I have eyebrows, and a downy growth on my head that's probably  an eighth of an inch or so long.  I'm beginning to notice my body hair slowly returning.  My knuckles now have a soft down returning, and I can see the beginnings of hair on my arms.  It's also coming back, although somewhat less abundantly, on my legs.  I would never have really thought of myself as having much facial hair before the chemotherapy, but when it was all completely gone, I could tell, and I can see that beginning to come back as well. 

My neuropathy is about the same.  My fingers may be a little better, but I don't have the fine motor control that I had before.  I also don't have a good temperature guage in my fingers.  It still catches me by surprise sometimes when I get into the shower that the water I held my hand under to check for temperature is hotter or colder than I thought it would be.  You'd think that by now I'd remember to check the temperature with my arm, but I don't always.  My fingers were never really awful, but my feet are still pretty bad.  I do so look forward to them continuing to get better.  I can't really go barefoot anymore - which is pretty dismal for me. If I'm barefoot, it seems that I bump my toes and feet into things and it hurts!  But my biggest problem seems to be going down steps. I guess the lack of feeling in my feet is preventing me from using the muscles in the way that I did before.  Sometimes they feel like a block of wood or like I can't completely control them.  I know that some people continue to have improvement for a long time after chemotherapy, and I'm counting on that! 

I saw my first cousin Marcia Judge this morning for the first time in several years.  She came home to Knoxville to visit her Mom, my Aunt Joyce, and they made a detour through Chattanooga on the way back to Nashville for her flight, and Mom made us a nice lunch. She is now living in Colorado and working for Compassion which is a Christian Child Advocacy ministry.  She had volunteered for Compassion for many years, and after going back to school and completing her college a few years ago, she took a leap of faith and moved to Colorado Springs where Compassion is headquartered.  And in a true example of answered prayer, or as Oprah would say manifesting one's dreams, she began to work for Compassion.   I haven't heard the story about how she came to get a job with them, but she is really happy and living out her desires.  It was good to have a visit with her.  She will be going on a Compassion Tour to India in February and will get to meet the 13 year old girl that she has sponsored for several years.  I know she's very excited about that trip. 

No More Lovenox

So here's the short of it,
Good news!   No more Lovenox required.  

And here's the long

Liga and I have been trying to figure out when would be a good time to go shopping with her birthday money.  I didn't have the energy right after, then I didn't think I could manage the Christmas crowds since she wanted to go to Hamilton Place, and we both thought there would be better prices in the days after Christmas.  I didn't want to get out into those crowds on Saturday and Sunday, so this morning we gave it a whirl.  We left about 10, and got home about 1.  I was absolutely worn out!  Liga kept saying, "Now, Mom, tell me if we need to leave."  I guess I was really being a  slow poke!  We did find a cute little dress, but nothing else, so I guess we'll need to go do that again!

I had my radiation at 2:30.  It took them quite a long time to get me "set up" today.  They weren't liking the way my marks looked on my left side, so they erased them and looked for my tatoos on that side and then re-marked me.  The young man who is substituting for Ashley has really cold hands.   When he touches my skin to move me, I really do know it!  Anyway, they measured, and talked, and rolled me, and pushed my skin and finally got me in the right place for the treatment.  For the first time, they administered the treatment to the left field first and then the right.  When they finished, my instructions over the intercom were,  "you can relax your arms down, now."  But I couldn't because the machine was in the way!  After radiation I went upstairs to get my blood checked and a Lovenox shot.  My PT/INR was right where they want it to be, so for the time being I don't have to have the Lovenox, but I'll stay on the Coumidan for awhile.  I'll see Lori, my oncology nurse on Wednesday and maybe she'll have an idea of how long I'll need to take it.  Dad was supposed to start on Coumadin after his surgery, and he kept saying that he was going to have a long talk with the doctor, because he didn't want to be taking rat poison!  Every time I take that pill, I remember him saying that!  Of course I'd much rather take the rat poison than have that clot in my arm!  

By the time I got home this afternoon, I was so tired.  I stretched out on the sofa, and before I knew it, Alan was waking me up to go down to Mom's for supper.  She had asked us earlier to come for supper so it saved us having to even think about it.  I'm still quite tired, and hope I can get myself to sleep earlier than usual tonight. 

A lazy day for me

So here's the short of it,
I just spent a low key day at home all day today.

And here's the long

Today has been a pretty lazy day for me.  I slept pretty well last night, which is certainly not always the case, and managed to sleep until almost 10 this morning.  I still have my days and nights kind of mixed up; of course, I've always had the go to bed early get up late preference. I ran into a former colleague the other day and we spent a bit of time reminiscing about the years when we first met - teaching together in a high school that began at 7:15 AM.  He and I both wondered how in the world we managed that schedule for so many years, and both admitted that we never looked back when we moved on to a job at a late starting school.   Anyway, I have another week not to worry about having to get up to get to work on time, and I don't have to be at work at 7:15!  I'm so lucky that Liga is willing to do our grocery shopping for us - and does such a good job.  That makes a weekend day like this possible for me. 

The steri-strips from  my port removal are still in place.  They are beginning to curl up on the ends, but they're not ready to come off yet. They are itchy, and I'll sure be glad when they are gone! Tomorrow I start back on my once a day visits for radiation; I'll also see my oncology nurse and the lab to check out how my  PT/INR levels are doing.  It will have been four days since my last check which was not where it needed to be.  I'm hoping that four more days of both Lovenox and Coumadin will have made a difference. I have little small bruises all across my belly from the Lovenox injections.  Liga was concerned that she was doing something wrong, but if you google Lovenox bruises it's quickly apparent that lots of people experience this side effect.  It's also apparent from the images that it's often used with pregnant women! 


 Mom came up this evening to share some soup and a sandwich and to have a few minutes to visit.  She has seemed a little quiet the last two or three days.  Now that all the hoopla is over, it's lonely and quiet without Dad around.  As hard as it has been for me, his daughter, I can't even begin to imagine how it's been for Mom who was his faithful partner since she was so very young.  It seems that every day there is another reminder for Mom - a letter in the mail concerning a retirement account, a correspondence regarding insurance coverage for his time in the hospital, or a coupon arriving in his name from places he shopped.  She is handling it all in a way that's an inspiration for those of us who are around her. 

Reminders

So here's the short of it,
Reminders of Dad have filled the last few days.

And here's the long

Today was the wind up of company.  Mid-morning, we made a trip to the cemetery with Mom, Steve, Pat, Meredith, and Patrick.  As we arrived at the entrance to the cemetery, there were several rows of headstones decorated with wreaths.  This is a marvelous tradition started at Arlington Cemetery by the Worcester Wreath Company.  It was a nice morning and the cemetery as always is such a lovely place to be.  Each time I visit, I remember Dad saying on several occasions that he would be very pleased to be buried there.  He visited the cemetery every Veteran's Day and every Memorial Day for the special services held there.  As we were leaving, Steve gave the headstone a pat, and said, "Merry Christmas, Gene".  

For the last several days it seems that at every turn, I've been reminded of Dad, and how much he enjoyed being with his children and grandchildren.  We missed him. 

Christmas in Chattanooga

So here's the short of it,
We had a lovely Christmas celebration in Chattanooga.

And here's the long

It's a great gift to have a day with no treatment!

We spent most of the day at Mom's celebrating Christmas with Steve and Pat.  We had brunch, and what Mom calls a Lupper (lunch/supper) in the late afternoon.  It was really lovely to sit around and visit and talk and be able to come back home in the evening.  It's been a long time since we've been in Chattanooga on Christmas Day.  For many years, we've driven down to Atlanta for the day or to spend the night usually at Steve and Pat's house - with Russ and whoever was home to visit him joining us for a Christmas meal.   In the meantime, Mom and Dad would have already been there visiting and enjoying Christmas morning with the kids.  Molly Blue usually celebrated Christmas with our resident dog.   What changes this year has wrought!

This evening is quiet; the kids are out at a movie; and Alan is already sound asleep.  Sophie has worn herself out on her Christmas bones and is curled up across the room taking a good nap.  I'm very tired, but not the sleepy kind of tired, so I'm just blogging away and have the History Channel on while I think of how I might get myself a bit sleepy. 

The day in retrospect seems like something happening in a parallel universe.  It seems that there's some other place or dimension where we all are together with Dad, and he's been out to Northern Tool and has something wrapped up under the tree for Alan and Steve - where he's holding a present and saying he really needs some new socks and sure hopes that someone remembered to get him that for a gift. 

At the Halfway Point

So here's the short of it,
I'm halfway through my radiation treatments!

And here's the long

I have a long weekend from my radiation treatments!  Today was treatment number 19 of 36, so I am more than half way through this part.  One of my regular technicians had the day off today, so I had a young man working with the other tech today.  I realized that I simply must have no modesty left at all.  It didn't bother me at all for this young (cute) guy to be marking up my torso and lining me up with the laser while I lay on the table with  my disfigured breast exposed. 

I also saw my radiation doctor today.  He says that my skin is tolerating the treatment very well.  It is becoming reddened and itchy, like a sunburn, but so far I don't have any blistering or real skin degradation.  I got a sample of a special cream which I am allowed to use as long as I put it on at least four hours before my radiation treatment.  It is supposed to help with the tenderness and itching.  We'll see how it goes.  I have enough samples until a pharmacy opens. 

Liga was johnny on the spot to give me my Lovenox shot this afternoon.  I am ever so grateful to have a daughter who's able to give me these injections!  My urinary tract infection seems to be getting somewhat better.  The Azo Standard has certainly helped with the symptoms, and the Cipro starts working right away. I'd say that by tomorrow I'll be doing great.  My right arm is a little achy on the inside near my elbow, but except for that, it's hard to remember how swollen and painful it was from the occlusion.

Tomorrow we'll have a nice Christmas Day at Mom's with Steve and Pat.  It should be a low key and lovely day.

Feeling Good - Not Much Energy

So here's the short of it,

I'm feeling pretty good but don't have much energy. 

And here's the long

I'm feeling about the same - which is pretty good, but I don't seem to have the energy to sustain any activity. I'm tired, but not the sleepy kind of tired. 

The spot where my port was taken out is becoming itchy and a bit uncomfortable.  I don't have stitches, just those steri-strips.  My instructions are to just let them come off naturally - apparently they usually come off by two weeks.  I'm thinking my sensitivity to surgical tape might be what is causing the discomfort.  Anyway, it won't even be one week until Friday, so I'm trying to keep my hands away from the site.  It's only when I sleep that I tend to bother it. 

I had blood counts today.  My platelets and white counts are looking good, but my PT-INR counts have not improved.  I am to continue the Lovenox shots and the same coumadin dose until the office opens again on Monday.  They were talking about upping my dose of coumadin but since I won't be able to have blood counts done again until Monday, they decided to wait and check counts then.  My right arm is still a bit swollen, but I'm doing so much better! Today, if my counting is right I had my 26th Herceptin treatment.  That means I am half-way through the 52 treatments.  Tomorrow I have a radiation treatment and see my doctor.  I'm beginning to notice some of the effects of the radiation on my skin.  It's a bit red, it's tender, and in a couple of spots right over the surgical bed, it's a bit itchy from time to time.  All in all though my radiation technicians tell me that my skin is doing very well.  So far I'm not supposed to have anyting on it except corn starch, but tomorrow I'll ask about a cream, as I understand that there are some prescription creams that can be used. 

I feel like I'm developing another urinary tract infection, so I left a specimen and Lori called in a prescription for Cipro.  That should fix me up!  She also told me to start taking Azo Standard to help ease the symptoms. I'm sure glad that I got that reported before their office closed today!

Continuing to feel OK

So here's the short of it,

I'm continuing to feel OK, and planning to just stay low and slow the rest of the week.

And here's the long


Today was a low and slow kind of day.  I had my radiation treatment and then up to let Lori give me my Lovenox shot.  It seems like I'm kind of at a plateau with the clot symptoms.  I told Lori about being able to see my blood vessels and she said that it might take quite a bit of time for that to go away.  The achiness on my right side definitely improved dramatically and quickly right after my first Lovenox shot, with another really big improvement jump the day I got the port out.  So I suppose this last little bit will come along at a bit slower pace.

This evening Alan and I went out to dinner with friends.  It's really nice to feel well enough to do something like that.  I've missed doing just the ordinary things that I've so often taken for granted.  I know that as the radiation treatments continue, I can expect to be tired.  But I'm thinking I can do tired.

I'm planning to sleep in tomorrow if I can.  I've got radiation and I'll be at the half way point for my Herceptin treatments.  That will certainly be something to celebrate!  Today when I was up in the doctor's office, they had run out of  Herceptin.   Apparently whenever there's fog it delays the planes arriving from Memphis, and there was a new driver who didn't have Dr. Schlabach's office on the priority list for delivery for some reason.  They were calling dispatch and trying to route the truck over while I had a nice chat with a Herceptin sister.  Since I've been going up to the office every day I'm seeing lots of different people - it is such a busy office. I'm thinking (hoping) my dose of Herceptin was on today's truck!

I'm looking forward to Steve and Pat's arrival tomorrow.  It will be good to have them here.  We'll all miss seeing Russ and Tina - they're heading over Miami way where Tina's kids are to celebrate Christmas with them.

Feeling Good, but Tired

So here's the short of it,
I'm still feeling very good, although I'm more tired than I was over the weekend.

And here's the long.

I'm feeling pretty good again today.  I had my blood levels checked today to see if he Lovenox and Coumadin are doing their job to get my blood thinned out.  Well, it's not where it needs to be, so I'm still having both.  Most of the symptoms I had from the blood clot are gone, but when I look in the mirror I can still see the veins on my upper torso - above my breast and fanning out over to my arm - only on my right side.  But I'm not sick like I was last week.   I'm much more tired today than I was over the weekend.  I didn't really do that much, but perhaps I overdid anyway.

Cousin Mia brought broasted chicken breasts over late this afternoon, so we had Emily come up for dinner. It was nice not to worry about dinner.  It sure wouldn't have been chicken if it had ended up my responsibility! 
Tomorrow, I'm going to have another sleep in.  I'm not going to even try to get up early and when I do get up I'm just going to take it easy.  Steve and Pat will be coming  tomorrow and it will be good to have a chance to visit with them.  I have done absolutely no preparation for any kind of holiday.  I didn't do anything for Hanukah, and I've done nothing for Christmas!  No shopping, no baking, not even much thinking about it.  For the first time in the 22 years that we've lived in this neighborhood, our neighbors won't get a homemade Christmas goodie from our family!  My siblings won't get the homemade goodies I usually enjoy making either.  I did promise Pat that when she got here, I'd help her make Honey Nut Stollen, her favorite of the baked goods!  I'll enjoy that. It will be good to have them here for company.

I have radiation every day except Friday, Christmas Day.  I'm sure they'll put as many patients as possible in the morning or early afternoon on Thursday so the staff can get out early.  I'll probably get to bring more Lovenox injections home for the days that Dr. Schlabach's office is closed.

Feeling Better

So here's the short of it,
I've had another good day.

And here's the long

I'm so glad to be healing from the port problems!  The swelling and soreness in my arm is almost completely gone now; I've not really had fever for the last two days; and I had really good, restorative sleep last night.  I woke up at a little before 11 this morning and wagered with myself that I could sleep until noon.  I didn't make it, but I did go back to sleep for a bit and didn't crawl out of bed until about 11:45.   

Today was a pretty relaxing day all in all.  Alan wanted to take in a movie, so we went to an early show to see Invictus.  I liked it a lot.  I think the story of reconciliation as it occurred in post apartheid South Africa is one of the great stories about humankind's ability to rise above its baser instincts.  It was also just nice to go to a movie!  I'll bet it's been almost a year since we've actually been out to a movie theater.  It might seem like a really small thing, but it feels a little like normal - although my slow, hobbling walk still makes it really apparent to me that things are not as they should be!

This afternoon Liga gave me another Lovenox shot, and I'll take the coumadin at bedtime.  So for the next few days at least, I'll go in for radiation and then up to Dr. Schlabach's lab to have a blood test so they can check my blood levels.  This will keep me busy enough.

A good day

So here's the short of it,
I have felt so good today! 

And here's the long

What a great day this has been.  I couldn't sleep last night; none of my usual relaxation techniques worked to settle me down at all.  I have no idea what was going on that had me so wound up.  At 3 o'clock this morning I thought that I was going to pay all day for this wide awakeness.  I was wrong. I slept until about mid morning and when I got up, I felt great.  First of all, I was comfortable sleeping for the first time since I got my port.  I love to sleep on my right side with my right arm stretched up beside my head.  That was not a way to sleep with my port on the right side, so I had to use other less favorite positions - and of course sometimes I'd wake in the night on my right side, arm up and port really aching.  Anyway, I finally drifted off to sleep with my arm up and on my right side.  It felt good to be able to sleep the way I want to.

When I did get up, I felt as if I had awakened in a different body!  I haven't felt this good in a long time.  Alan commented to someone, that I've had more energy today than I've had since June.  I still have to have my Lovenox, and I am really lucky that Liga was willing to give it to me.  About 2 this afternoon, she have it to me and did a great job - she didn't hurt me at all! I've also started taking the Coumadin this evening.  I'm beginning to feel a little tired right now, but it really has been a good day. 

Hanukkah was over last night, but I have felt so horrible for the last week that we didn't even get the Menorah out!  This afternoon, Alan, Liga, Valdis, and I went to the grocery and got stuff for Latke's.  We came home and made Latke's together and even though it's a day late, we lit the Menorah and had a late, small family Hannukah celebration. We used Alan's recipe that he gave me the first year we were married.  It calls for 6 shredded potatoes and makes a bunch - he wanted to double it so we'd have plenty of leftovers!  We got a bag of potatoes that had 10 Jumbo potatoes in it.  When we got home, he was wondering where all the potatoes were if we were going to double the recipe.  By the time the guys had them peeled and Liga had them shredded, it was very apparent that we more than enough for doubling the recipe.  We made guesses about how many it would make.  None of us guessed high enough!  It made 74 latkes!   It was nice to feel better and to have both the younger kids join us, and we had plenty of leftovers to send some home with Valdis and keep plenty here for Alan.

I am thinking how lovely it will be to crawl into bed tonight and turn over onto my right side with my right arm up.  I think I'll sleep well.

Thanks to all of you who have held me in your thoughts and prayers over these last few days!  I was really pretty sick looking back on it, and feel like your energy helped sustain me. 

Port is out

So here's the short of it,
The offending port is out!  I'm actually awake, but looking very forward to a nice rest tonight.

And here's the long

Well, I'm home and I'm actually in pretty good shape this evening. I went to get my radiation treatment early today so I'd be on time for my surgery.  Ashley and Shelaine, my radiation technicians, got a kick out of writing "Please do not erase" in permanent marker along my radiation line nearest the surgical site. And believe it or not, it did not get erased.   I'm guessing that the procedure didn't take 10 or 15 minutes!  I went back into the surgery intake room a little after 2.  While I was there, a doctor friend came by with a nurse.  It turns out she was borrowing a room to take out her own stitches from a procedure she had done!  We had a quick nice hug.  Anyway soon it was time for me get into my hospital gown, surrender my glasses, and go to the big holding room --- into a recliner and get the IV started.  All the people who would be on my team, one by one came by and asked all the appropriate questions and such.  They had taken my glasses away so I was terribly handicapped! 

I sat there for about an hour and a half!  But it was OK.  I was feeling ever so grateful that Dr. Witherspoon had been able to work me in this afternoon instead of waiting til Monday.  I would have waited for 3 hours if necessary.  She got there a little before 4 and her comment was pretty interesting.  She said, something like, you are the poster child for if it can go wrong, it will; but she assured me that the procedure would be quick and pretty simple. She also assured me that I'm not a unique medical case (something none of us really want to be.)  She said that port removal is often done in the office, but in my particular case, it might be a little more leaky and messy than they would want to handle in an inpatient setting. In no time I was coming awake and I think we were home by about 5:30.  I think they must have given me very little sedative because I'm really very alert tonight.  Of course, I may just collapse into the bed here in a little while. 

The incision is pretty sore, no doubt, but I already feel a bit of difference in the achy feeling on my port side.  I'm feeling very optimistic that I'll just feel better and better every day.  I'm to continue the Lovenox tomorrow afternoon, and then start the Coumidan tomorrow evening.  My pharmacist called me to let me know that the synthroid that I take on a daily basis interacts with the Coumidan to make it more potent and told me to watch carefully for bruising.  Once I told him they would be doing blood counts on a daily basis he was much more relaxed.  I was glad he called. 

So all in all, today is another step forward.  Yesterday put me half-way through my Herceptin treatments, and today was treatment 15 of 36 radiation treatments.  It's feeling like I'm getting close to a NASA TV countdown - (you know they start counting down days before they actually put it on TV - it won't be too long before I'll actually be on the 10, 9, 8 count! 

Surgery tomorrow

So here's the short of it,
I have surgery tomorrow to get this offending port out of my body. 

And here's the long

Surgery tomorrow at 2:45.  I'm not naive enough to think this will be a walk in the park; I actually spoke with a fellow patient yesterday who told me her port removal had some problems, so I'm prepared.  I am so uncomfortable now though, that I have to believe it will bring some relief.  I am to report to the surgery center at 2:00.  That means I have to go early for my radiation.  Today Lori packed up 3 syringes of Lovenox for me to have at home.  I'm to do them at home myself or have someone here do them.  Lovenox is a hurty, burny shot that goes in the fat of the belly.  I'll bet mine doesn't hurt/burn as much as some other people's do because I've got enough belly fat!  Liga has volunteered to do them for me if she's home when I'm supposed to have it.

Anyway, it's that old surgical routine.
Nothing by mouth after midnight. Before all this I used to imagine getting a cup of coffee intravenously so I could get my coffee and not break the rule. (OK, all my physician and science type family and friends, I know you can't really put coffee in a vein)  Wear cotton underwear and socks (and this time head covering) if you want them to be allowed in the surgical room.  It seems like a long time from midnight until 2:45.  Any other time, I'd be starved, but I don't think it will matter so much tomorrow. 

The drill will be that the doctor will tell me how long after surgery I should wait to have the Lovenox injection and then 6 hours after that, I take my first Coumadin and take it every day at the same time.  I'm due in Dr. Schlabach's office every day next week so they can check my blood status - and they'll continue giving me the Lovenox injections if they are still needed.  Dad's heart doctor wanted to put him on Coumadin after his surgery, and I can well remember him saying that he wasn't going to be taking rat poison.  I joked about that with Dr. Schlabach the other day when he told me he was going to start me on it.  He just laughed and said, yes, that's what it is, but it works. 

Today my good doctor came by and checked on me again while I was having my Herceptin infusion.  It's pretty comforting to know he's right on it.  And of course, I would wish that anyone who ever has to have an oncology nurse could have one as wonderful as Lori.  She is absolutely the best.  She's lighthearted enough to keep me from being morose, but serious enough that I know she's listening to all my concerns!  And she's that way with all her patients - each of us feels like we are very special to her.

Mom went with me this afternoon.  We had a plumbing problem today, and the plumber couldn't get here until late this afternoon, so Alan stayed home and she went along for the ride.  I really don't need someone along for radiation and/or Herceptin, but it was nice to have the company. Also, as awful as I've been feeling this week, it made sense to have someone along to make sure I didn't keel over.  This evening she made dinner for Alan and me, and Valdis joined us.  I'm not really tasting too much right now, it seems that some of my taste came back and is gone again.  I wonder if that's the radiation or maybe it's the Herceptin.

I will try to make a brief post tomorrow after I'm home from surgery if I possibly can.  If not, I'll get to it on Saturday.

Ramblings of a sick chick

So here's the short of it,
Rambling on about this and that and how awful I feel, although it's significantly better than yesterday, which was better than the day before! 

And here's the long

It was awfully hard to get to sleep last night.  The pain in my mid back and underarm was enough to keep me from getting very comfortable even with Tylenol.  I usually go to sleep pretty quickly once I turn out the light and put my head on my pillow.  I think these last several nights are hard because I can't sleep.  It has certainly given me a new appreciation for people who have trouble falling asleep on a regular basis. Of course, if  I would go to bed at a decent hour, I might have that experience myself.  Even as a very small child, I would stay up and  read as long as I could, often discovered by my Mom and being told sternly to turn out my light and go to sleep.  Often I'd give her enough time to get back to her room and turn it back on again.  Anyway, maybe tonight I'll be able to read myself to sleep and not be nearly as uncomfortable.  I've upped my dose of Tylenol, with permission from the doctor and that should help as well.

I'm not going to work tomorrow, I'll try to sleep way into the morning.  Dr. Gefter, today, told me I need to rest as much as I possibly can.  Wow, that was a relief to hear...you know I'm always thinking I should be up and trying to walk or do a little something.  Anyway, I have another Lovenox shot tomorrow, as well as Herceptin, and Radiation, so I do have to be at Erlanger by noon and can't sleep in like a teenager.

Right now I've got my feet propped up and am listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on Public Television while just trying to relax.  I really couldn't eat much when I got up.  I somehow got myself out of routine and took my stupid medicine before I ate so I was horribly nauseated.  Alan just casually said, why don't you try some crackers (Alan to the rescue!) But that was about all I'd had to eat until I got home.  So I was pretty hungry when I finally got here late this afternoon. Fortunately a dear friend's husband had delivered some of her wonderful spaghetti.  I've come to think of it as a comfort food because it's something I've been able to eat through this whole ordeal! 

A piece of really good news - my surgery did get moved from Monday afternoon to this coming Friday afternoon.  I eager to get that step taken.  I can't help but believe that I'll start to feel better soon after. 
I so appreciate all the support I can feel, your thoughts, and prayers in whatever form they take nurture me so much. 

Sick Day

So here's the short of it,

This is a sick day report.  This is a real rough patch I'm having.  

And here's the long

Now that I can put a cause to that achy port feeling, I think this occlusion has been going on for awhile.  My temperature is hovering around normal today, although my body feels feverish - hot eyes, chills, and hot urine.  I'm not staying as hydrated as I need to, but I have a bottle (of water) in my bed with me and try to remember to drink up every time I wake. Sleep is very difficult.  The pain that seems like it's only at about a 4 or 5 when I'm up and busy and thinking of other things feels like it goes to a 7 or 8 when I am in bed trying to relax and go to sleep.  There is no comfortable position.  For the last two nights I've been close to tears before I could get myself relaxed enough to fall asleep.  I think tonight will be better. 

Once more I slept in this morning.  It wasn't too late, because we had tree trimmers here today to work on a couple of our big ones.  The chain saw was my alarm.  Once more Sophie has been right near me most of the day.  I had radiation and then reported up to Schlabach's office for the Lovenox shot afterwards and the Dr. came and checked me out.I really like this doctor - there's a thing when he's looking at me, I know he's seeing me the person, but he's seeing all those things that a highly trained and highly competent physician knows to look for.  I am glad for the turn of events that led me to him.  Right now I'm scheduled to have my port removed mid day on the 21st.  That appointment is in the books.  They are looking for a way to get me in earlier.  I think both doctors are of the opinion that this problem is bad enough that it's better not to fix the port and just go ahead and remove it.  I can do that. 

This evening, one more time, Mom made us dinner.  It was nice.  I think Alan and I would have warmed up a stouffers something if not.  I was feeling to tired and yucky, that she even brought it up here to the house.  That was so helpful!  Thanks to all of my family, my friends, and my friends who are also family.  You can never know how much support I feel from your prayers, each in your own way.  Valdis came over this evening and visited for a bit while he did some laundry.  I sure did enjoy his company. 

Tomorrow I have a check up on my heart, radiation, and the Lovenox injection. That will be a pretty big day for someone in my shape.

Not doing well

So here's the short of it,

I have 3 occlusions in my right arm, and my underarm is so sore, and I have a fever that won't stay down.

And here's the long

I really don't know what I was thinking last night.  Maybe it was just my stubbornness (which my mother says was apparent before I could speak), but I had every plan of waking up this morning and going to work, albeit a little late.  I was scheduled to do two presentations for our new teachers.  About 3:30 this morning I was feeling so awful, my underarm was terribly swollen and hot, and my eyes and urine were burning - so I went to take my temperature.  It was 99.8  - I stayed home, and believe it or not there were folks there who took care of the presentation just fine, thank you very much!  Here's a shout out to my very capable competent co-workers.  I am lucky to work with such a good team.

I called my doc, and stayed in the bed until just before time for my radiation treatment.  Actually I did get up in time for a shower.  I was pretty ripe since I'd spent since Friday night mostly in the bed and (I hate to reallly admit this to a larger group) did not even change pajamas.  I probably would have felt better if I had done at least that much sometime on Sunday.  Anyway about an hour before I went for radiation, the doctor's office called and told me to stop in after my treatment.  Alan was able to take me, I was glad for that.  In radiation I told the techs.  They had the nurses come look.   Every one poked and proded, and they told me that I needed to be sure not to leave without Dr. Schlabach looking at me. They all speculated that my port was infected.   The radiation was a little uncomfortable today.  My right armpit, which has nothing at all to do with the radiated left side is so tender and sore that it hurt to put it up over my head for treatment.  And there's something about the muscles...a workout goddess would probably know this... but raising my arm caused not only the armpit area to hurt but also caused cramping in my mid back.  I'm sure there's some connection - muscle connection that is.

Alan rolled me in a wheelchair up to Dr. Schlabach's office and they saw me right away.  I have never seen the office so full.  Apparently all the doctors were off on Thursday and Friday and they were working to get all the people in who didn't get in early last week.  Anyway, Dr. Schlabach took a look and pretty quickly told us that we needed to know this afternoon what's going on and get some resolution.  He ordered an unltrasound (stat) and they sent me over.

At the vascular untrasound wing, they told me I had just squeaked in under the wire, of having to go over to the emergency room instead of during office hours.  Well first of all the ultrasound tech couldn't understand what she was seeing in my jugular vein.  The port threads through the jugular and down into the chest.  When I had all that coughing back whenever it was, the end of the port jostled out of place and it's snaked back up into the jugular.  She said she had never seen a port like that before.  By the time we were almost at the end of the procedure - she ultrasounded my jugular, my arm from the elbow up  and the armpit - she must have been feeling pretty comfortable with me, and told me that I had several clots beginning under my arm and occluding the veins all the way down to the elbow. That's causing my high fever, the swelling,  the pain, the weakness, the everything.  At least for now I'll blame everything on it!

Back up to Dr. Schlabach's office.  Lori, bless her heart stayed behind.  They told me the news and prescribed a daily injection.  I wrote down the name but can't remember where.  I'll get this every day until my clot is where it needs to be. It's another shot to the belly..

I just took my temperature at 8:30.  I have 101.4  I can't take any more advil, switching over to Tylenol.   Tomorrow my doctors will speak, and right now it sounds as though they will remove my port and I'll get my next 27 Herceptin treatments in my right hand or arm.  I've already called in sick and will stay in bed tomorrow until I get up for my doctors appointments. I should have some symptom relief in 12 to 24 hours if all goes the way it should. So tonight I'll keep the hot pack nearby and just rest as I can. 

 Thank goodness Mom came to the rescue for dinner plans.  She's fed us a lot these weeks and months.   I had been craving some cabbage soup and she had some ready.  We called when we left the hospital and she had it ready by the time we got there.  It really hit the spot! It's one of her just made up on the spot recipes and it's posted over on her blog


I'm awfully tired, awfully sore, and just generally feel awfully awful!  All good wishes, meditations, prayers, and positive thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Still not feeling well.

So here's the short of it,
I've been in bed all day.

And here's the long

Well, I've spent the whole day in bed.  I'm up just for a few minutes to update the blogs.  Sophie has spent most of her day lying right next to me.

My temperature has been between 99 and 100 most of the day.  I've taken advil and slept almost all day long.    I've also kept heat under my hurting right arm.  Tomorrow I'll call the doctor to see what, if anything, else I might need to do. There's really nothing to report, except  that I do have a bottle of water right in the bed with me and am trying to stay hydrated.

Not well tonight

So here's the short of it,
Short post tonight.

And here's the long

My right armpit began to ache in the last few days.  I didn't really think too much about it.  Today it has begun hurting more and is swollen, and late this afternoon I got really weak.  I've been just resting since about 2:30 or 3:00.  No temp at 2:30  But by two hours ago it was 101.3.  I'm supposed to call if I have a temp of 101.  About 45 minutes ago it was 101.8.  I've got a couple of advil in me and am waiting for the doctor to return my call.

Body Report

So here's the short of it,
I'm really feeling pretty good, but I'm going to to a side effect update.

And here's the long

Well, I think I'll do a "body report".

Nose -  Thanks to all of you who wrote me with great advice about my nose.  I have done this so far.  At least 2 times a day I use a q-tip and sweet olive oil to massage the inside of my nasal passages where the sores are.  I then put on Bactroban, an antibiotic ointment I already had on hand.  I found the beeswax the other day at Greenlife Grocery, but haven't decided yet what kind of oil I want to use with it to make the unpetroleum jelly.  I'll probably tackle that over the weekend.  It seems that it will be very simple to make.  I've also done two things with the neti pot.  I'm using it less on the advice of two friends, and  I'm sterilizing it after every use.  I can see quite a bit of improvement with this routine, but the nose is still pretty sore, and it runs a lot, sometimes at the most unexpected times. 

Shoulders -  Monday through Friday, I lie down on that table and hold my arms up over my head and try to be really, really still.  Sometimes it seems that it's as little as 10 or 12 minutes; other times, it seems it's more than 30.  I can feel much more limberness in my stiff shoulders now after 10 treatments.  Once I'm no longer having treatments, I think I'll keep that stretch in my daily routine somehow. 

Skin - well, my oncologist did tell me very early on that the chemotherapy drugs often made skin disorders go away.  And I'm ever so grateful that in the midst of all my chemo discomfort, I didn't have to deal with the itchy rashes that I get on my legs, or the itchy back that seems to be a Howard characteristic.  All that is returning.  I've got the old winter rash on my legs - and medicine to put on it.  And my itchy back is back...

Hair - my eyebrows are noticeably coming back, at least to me. My right eyebrow was almost completely gone, and I can see lots of new growth just starting.  My left eyebrow didn't get quite so thin, but it's not coming back so quickly either. My eyelashes are growing back in and they are really tiny.  The hair on my head is beginning to grow in most places.  It feels very soft and downy right now. It's still very thin everywhere except the very top of my head.  And I think all the stress from these treatments has probably turned it gray!  So far I've not noticed any hair returning on my legs or arms.  I've been told that the underarm hair that's in the field of radiation will be permanently destroyed.  That will be pretty funny since the radiation field is not exactly the whole underarm.  

Feet -  My neuropathy doesn't seem much better, but I think the cold weather aggravates it.  Sometimes I think I'm having more of the tingly feeling than just numbness, and that might be an improvement.  I can tell that my fingers are a bit better. I still have some problems picking up things that are very tiny or very flat - like a coin on a flat surface. 

Fingernails.  My nails are separating from my nail bed, probably a quarter of an inch or more. Several of them have split.  I've put the super glue right on my basket of medicines.  It's funny that my right side has seemed much more impacted by the side effects, but it's my left hand's fingernails that are splitting worse.  Anyway, superglue got me through lots of cuts with the kids (and me) as they were growing up, and now I have another use for it; I'm just superglueing those split fingernails.  I'll bet that when I go to the grocery, I can find some nail epoxy, but until then, superglue it is!

Back/hip -  My right hip which has given me trouble since my back surgery all those years ago is really pretty aggravated by all this right now.  It stays pretty achy most of the time.  I know that a big part of it is that I haven't been strong enough to do my daily stretch routine.  So I'm taking more advil than I normally do.

Chemo Brain - This is very real.  I can really tell that I don't have the edge or sharpness that I used to.  It feels almost like I have holes in my brain, or like the gap is a bit too large for the synapse to happen.  

Port - My port is pretty achy sometimes.  The last time I saw Dr. Witherspoon and asked her about that she said that it's normal.  It probably doesn't help that that's the side I usually sleep on too.  I'll still be really glad to get it fixed.  I can put up with the achiness to not have my weekly infusions in a vein. 

Aches and Pains - I have this achiness from time to time that seems deep in my bones or joints.  It comes mostly when I'm really tired and after a long day.

Fatigue -  I'm doing OK with the fatigue right now.  I know I'm not really very strong, but I feel like I'm getting better every day.  Most people who've had experience with radiation have told me the real fatigue comes toward the end.  I'm thinking I'll just appreciate these days I'm having as long as they last. 

I hope I haven't sounded like I'm falling apart, because I'm really doing very well this last couple of weeks.  I am excited that I've completed 10 of the 36 radiation treatments.  I'm beginning to taste some things and enjoy eating a bit.  I'm looking forward to some time off after next week. And I'm already thinking of how good it will feel to snuggle down into my pillows in the morning and just sleep in for awhile. 

A Prayer

So here's the short of it,
I was working on Emily and Gene's blog and found a prayer that was very meaningful for me.

And here's the long

I was reading prayers from the Hospice site this evening and came across this one which really touched me. I guess reading it, it sounds as though I'm really in a tough spot, but I'm really not.  It just resonated with me from the days and weeks when chemo treatments and Dad's death had me reeling - - and it's one of my favorite philosophers.   Now that I am stronger, this is probably even more meaningful for me than if I had read it during that time. 

I'm grateful that there are people who can capture our soul's wordless yearnings in words. 

O God, early in the morning I cry to you. Help me to pray And to concentrate my thoughts on you: I cannot do this alone. In me there is darkness, But with you there is light; I am lonely, but you do not leave me; I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help; I am restless, but with you there is peace. In me there is bitterness, but with you patience; I do not understand your ways, but you know the way for me... Restore me to liberty, And enable me so to live now That I may answer before you and before humanity. Lord, whatever this day may bring, Your name be praised.                            -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

No School Today

So here's the short of it,
We were out of school today so I didn't have to take a 1/2 day sick for my doctors appointments!

And here's the long

Today we got a "weather day" and didn't have to go to school.  Because I work a teacher calendar, I was delighted to hear at 5:30 this morning that school had been canceled today.  We had quite a storm.  Roads and streets were closed because they were impassable - standing water, rock, mudslides, or just washed out.  There was a news story about a man driving out of his driveway and the front wheels of his truck were swallowed up in a culvert collapse.  Fortunately he was OK, but they couldn't get his truck out without damaging it pretty badly.  Hamilton County has gone to a phone tree.  So instead of getting up and watching the news or listening to the radio to find out about school, we get a robo-call.  My cell phone rang about 5:30 this morning and I couldn't get to it in time.  The house phone rang right after - Alan answered it - no school!  I slept until 9:30 and probably wouldn't have gotten up then if the animals had been a little quieter.

The rest of my morning was pretty relaxed!  But this afternoon was filled up with treatment stuff!  I had my radiation treatment.  It went really quickly.  After it was over, I asked them to show me where the command center for the treatment is.  They showed me the machines and the closed circuit TV right outside the door.  Now I get it - one of the techs is always doing something on the machine when I get there- which I now know is putting in the specs for my treatment; the other one is setting up the table with "my stuff"  - my upper body mold, getting the "bottom plate" on the exact measurement, putting the gray sponge that sits below my back in its right spot, and getting the right size knee lift to go under my knees.  All that is set up exactly the same every single time. Today there was an addition.  They taped something that looked like a wire to the center of my chest to record the amount of the radiation dose.

After my treatment I had an appointment with my radiation oncologist.  He says that so far everything looks good.  He inspected my skin and palpitated all the tissues in the radiation field to see if there were any changes.  He was very pleased with everything.  At this point I have no skin degradation, and all the tissue in the radiation field seems to be normal.  I did notice that his fingers on the tissue over the surgical field didn't feel the same as on the tissues that had not been disturbed.  It was almost as though on that part of my breast, there was a thin piece of fabric between my skin and his fingertips.  At any rate, I got a really good report.  He also was pleased with my color and he prognosticated that my blood counts would be up.

Next it was up to the fifth floor for my Herceptin treatment.  Of course since my port still hasn't been fixed, the infusion has to go in a vein AND since my lymph nodes were removed on my left side, I'm not supposed to be stuck or have blood pressure read or anything like that on my left side.  So that only my right hand and arm are available for sticking - again!  My veins did not cooperate today and the machines that pump the infusion in didn't cooperate either.  The first stick was in the big vein I have on the back of my hand.  It wouldn't work - no blood would come out and no liquid would go in - Lori changed pumps - still nothing.  That needle came out and she stuck me in the crook of the arm.  The needle went right in.  The pump didn't work and the vein "blew out".  I hear Liga talking about that all the time.  When she gets home from work she'll get a kick out of that and want to look at it.  My nurse, Lori, knows that Liga works in a lab, and she jokingly said that Liga would say "how could you not get a vein, they're like garden hoses."  I think that's a compliment coming from someone who has to stick people all the time.  Anyway the last stick and a new pump machine worked.  It went in on the inside of my wrist.  That's a pretty tender little place and the stick hurt for a minute, but it finally worked.  It gave a vial of blood for my labs and the infusion went right on. 

My blood counts are inching up.  I had to have a Procrit shot again today, but Lori said that might be my last one of those!  She also set up Dec. 21st for having my port fixed.  I'll get the details of the time and which office later.  That means I have only one more treatment to do with a stick.  After that it will be back to the port!  That is so much better. 

Getting Stronger

So here's the short of it,
I'm growing stronger, but am nowhere near my old self.

And here's the long

I continue to gain a little strength every day even though mornings are still so difficult.  We visited with Mom tonight and she was talking about waking up at 6:30 and just getting up since she was already awake, and I found that absolutely incomprehensible!  It may be that I need to take a knock out pill about 9 o'clock so that I'm ready to get up at 6 in the morning! or at least 6:30   or maybe even 6:55.  As it is, I can rarely go to sleep before 11 or 12, and even when I'm asleep by 10, I am so tired when the alarm goes off in the mornings.

This morning I was in one of our high schools for the first time this year.  Most of our high schools have students who help out in the office, and today a very lovely young lady volunteered to take me to the place I needed to be.  This is pretty standard procedure in our high schools....today I could not keep up with my escort!  Wow, that really hit me - I was thinking I was getting back to normal - I'm not anywhere near my old normal.  We'll see how close my new normal gets to the old one. 

This afternoon my radiation went fine, but it seemed as though it took a little longer to position me than it did those first few times.  The two young ladies who are the technicians treating me are just as nice and professional as they can be.  They certainly make what could be an ordeal a little easier. 

Tonight Cousin Mia brought some Taco Soup by Mom's so Alan and I went down and had a nice visit and some soup for supper.  It's raining tonight and we are watching/listening to Andrea Bocelli & David Foster: My Christmas on Public Television. We can hear the rain pattering on the roof and it's just a really nice evening.  What a beautiful voice Bocelli has!  He is noted to have said "I don't think one really decides to be a singer - other people decide it for you by their reactions."  I suppose that's true for so many of us.  Our life's work is shaped by the reactions of others to what we do. 

Lynn's not lining up!

So here's the short of it,
Today radiation took a long time and they had trouble getting me lined up correctly.

And here's the long

Some of my fingernails are beginning to separate from the nailbed - but so far just at the top of the nail.  Once again it is much worse on my right hand than on my left.  I don't think it necessarily means I'm going to lose those fingernails, but since that is one of the Taxotere/Abraxane side effects, I guess it's still possible. My fingernails are also very brittle and thin. My right eyebrow is behaving really funny.  I can see some eyebrow hair coming back in, but at the same time the hair that is/was still there is falling out!  My neuropathy is still the same in both my hands and feet and I'm trying to stay patient.  I understand that many people have improvement even a year and a half out from the end of chemotherapy.

Radiation was not the snap appointment today that I was expecting.  I got there about five minutes before my appointment was scheduled.  They informed me that they were processing a new patient and I'd be a little delayed.  I thought to myself, well, people waited on me the day I had my first treatment, so I don't mind waiting. While I waited, I played Fling until I almost ran my phone battery completely down. I finally realized that I was getting a chill and that I was sitting in a seat that was right in the draft every time the door opened.  I usually sit there, but usual is only for 5 minutes not for the hour that I waited today.  Anyway, when I got back into the treatment room, the technicians were having all kinds of trouble getting me lined up.  They kept moving me; then they started moving the table and the machine, but they never could get it right.  Finally they had me sit up and they rearranged the foam piece that they use at the bottom of my body mold and they put a larger knee prop under me and stretched me out again.  (Keep in mind that for almost all of this time, I have my arms up over my head.)  I still wasn't in the right position, but apparently it was a lot closer.  Finally they called for Johnna, the nurse who did my initial planning session to come in.  She came in and took a look and put something on my skin.  I couldn't see it because I had my arms up over my head and my head tilted up and to the right.  But I could see the reflection of it on the glass plate of the machine.  It looked something like a large toothed comb.  Anyway, they were trying to get a skin to source distance measurement of 85.  Johnna, my nurse, showed them how to measure it.  As an educator, I was interested in the interaction and how she explained where to look for the measurement.  They seemed very comfortable asking for her help and she helped them in a very non-threatening way.

During all this moving around, we had snatches of conversation.  I was complaining about not being able to wear deodorant (because my arms were over my head and I couldn't avoid the smell!)  Ashley really gave me something to think about.  She said, I know it's annoying, at least it's winter time though.  Wow.   I can really be grateful that it's winter time and I don't have nearly the sweating problem that I would have if it were summer time!  While they were "refreshing my marks" and I thought again that whenever I smell a permanent marker, I'm going to think about being half naked on the radiation table with my arms stretched up over my head!  By the way, I think that having my arms up every single day is loosening up my shoulder muscles a bit.  Even thought it was a long time today, it was bearable.  Maybe tomorrow I'll have another really quick treatment.

Nose report

So here's the short of it,

I have awful sores in my nose and Sophie is spoiled rotten.  We got to see Mommy Anne and Mom today. 

And here's the long

Another day down toward the finish line! 

I forgot to mention yesterday that I don't have any nose hairs!  Well, apparently they really do have a job to do.   My most noticeable nose symptoms are the continued drippy, weeping nose.  So far I've not had the flu like symptoms which many women apparently experience as a side effect of Herceptin - that could be because my oncologist prefers the weekly treatment to the 1X  every 3 weeks that some use. My nose though is pretty irritated at this point.  It seems that for no reason whatsoever it will just start running, not really like mucus, more like tears.  So I have to keep tissues at hand all the time.  That is such a new thing for me!   I have developed sores in my nose, especially all around the inside rim of my nostril.  These sores make my nose very tender, and they bleed, and at night they crust up so much that by morning they are very sore.  Using my neti pot seems to help keep my sinuses cleaned out, but is not so helpful for the sores.  I've recently seen a recipe for unpetroleum jelly.  I'm planning to make some as soon as I find a source for beeswax.  The recipe is so simple.
                                     

Unpetroleum Jelly Recipe

1 oz Beeswax and 1/2 cup Sweet Almond Oil

 (or other oils can be substituted such as sunflower, avocado, etc.)

Melt beeswax in microwave, stir in Sweet Almond Oil. Stir until cool.

 

I think I'll like that a bit better than using the petroleum based products I have been using.  

 

Today, Alan and I went over and had lunch with Mommy Anne.  Mrs. Johnson her table mate really does watch after her.  She always tells us whether or not she's been eating as she should and I think that when we are not there that she kind of stays after her to eat more.  It was a nice lunch, they had a really good meatloaf and sides.  I'm actually always kind of surprised at how good the food is for an institution. 

After we finished up there, we went to PetSmart and spent an obscene amount of money on things for Sophie.  Poor little Lola only got a couple of new dishes.  Sophie on the other hand got new toys, treats, a trial of some new food, and a new treat dispenser. Mom said the other day when Sophie was carrying around one of her toys, that in all her life she never got toys for dogs.  It just makes me aware of how different life is for me and my children than it was for Mom growing up in a rural setting where everyone had jobs to do every day, including the dogs.  

 

This evening Mom came up and had a simple supper with us.  We had pea soup and cheese toast and some of Aunt Joyce's great pecan pie for dessert.  It was quite satisfying.  After dinner I helped Mom scan some documents and get them e-mailed to Steve.  I keep reminding myself how lucky we are to have her so close by.  She commented this evening that she really misses Patches.  

Liga is spoiling me. She went to the grocery again today, and I'll have to say, I'm not missing that chore very much.  I'm planning to work every day this week except for making Wednesday a 1/2 day.  I'll have to see my radiation doc, as well as having the treatment and have my herceptin as well.  It looks like we've got some wet, cold days coming up.  I'm glad I chose a career that doesn't require me to work outside! Of course I always feel differently in the spring and fall!   

Snow and hair

So here's the short of it,
Today I'll do a snow report and a hair report.


And here's the long

I awoke this morning to see snow on the ground!  I never quite get over my child like excitement when it snows.  And if there is one thing that I miss about being this far south, it's knowing that there will be at least one or two good snows every winter.  Of course, I don't want to be far enough north to be snowed in either!  

By 9:30 or 10:00 the sun was out and it was completely melted!  I hope we'll have at least one more snow this winter and that it will be one that sticks around for at least a couple of days.  And of course, as a school person, it wouldn't be so bad if it happened on a week day!

Early this afternoon, I met Mom and Aunt Joyce and cousin Daniel at the cemetery.  Mom had made this beautiful arrangement - she used a dozen roses that she bought and then holly and nandina berries that she had at home.  It was just lovely. Check it out on today's post at Emily and Gene.

This evening we went to Mom's for dinner - she bought lamb chops and made a lovely meal.  Alan, Liga, and I had a nice time visiting for a bit.

Today, I'll make a hair report.  I never did really lose all the hair on my head as many people who go through chemotherapy do.  I kept it shaved short though because it started falling out all over the place, and most of my head was bald.  But I always had a bit of a mohawk stubble. I haven't shaved my head since my last chemotherapy treatment and my head hair is beginning to grow, but here isn't very much on the sides!  My eyebrows and eyelashes are extremely thin and as a matter of fact are still coming out.  Like most women I know, I shave my legs and under my arms.  By the third chemotherapy treatment, that was a task that I didn't have to worry about any more.  So far none of that is growing back.  Apparently the radiation will keep the hair under my left arm from coming back until that's over.  The hair on my arms has become very sparse.  I don't notice it coming back yet.  And yes, I lost all that hair too, and it's not growing back yet either!

I sometimes just take a look at women I know who have been through chemotherapy and radiation and  say well, they are doing fine, so I can get there too.  It's good to know that there are so many who have gone before me and are now doing fine.  I've crossed off  5 radiation treatments - only 31 left!  Then just a weekly visit for Herceptin!  By the time I get done with Herceptin, my hair will be back.  I can do this!

Still Tired

So here's the short of it,

Oh, I am weary!  This tiredness is with me all day long. 

And here's the long.

I am so thrilled that today is Friday and tomorrow I can just sleep until Sophie is jumping up and down on me to give her some attention!  I am so tired.  I've never really been much of a napper. Alan can lie down and sleep for 20 minutes and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go.  If I sleep for 20 minutes, I'm a grumpy gal.  A "nap" for me is usually more like an hour or two.  Dr. Gefter did tell me that I would need to take naps every day as I get on into the radiation treatments.  Maybe as that time comes, I'll be able to nap in the evening when I get home from work - and maybe this will be the time I learn how to nap for shorter periods of time. I'm thinking that tomorrow or Sunday I'm going to try drinking some coffee.  I realized today that I haven't been having coffee since my chemotherapy started.  Maybe it was my morning coffee that got me going.  It was always my very first stop after my feet hit the floor.  I set the coffee up and Alan turns it on when he gets up (which is earlier that any human ought to be up and about).  And by the time I would get into the shower I'd have a half a cup down, and have it finished soon after.  Then at least one more cup before leaving for work.  I haven't really wanted coffee yet, it doesn't taste so good, and for awhile, it made me sick every time I tried it.  So tomorrow if it doesn't make me sick ...well, we'll see. 

Today I reported for radiation at 2:00.  They called me back before I even had time to load up FLING (the newest app for my phone that Shelley told me about), they came to get me.  There were no glitches - the cabinet was full of gowns. Maybe I know a little better how to get on the table now; they didn't have to move me around so much. Today I discovered that they have my "numbers" on a TV screen highlighted  in orange.  As they get the table in the right position - left, right, up, down, and the machine itself in the right position, the highlight goes away.  The machine itself won't operate until all the numbers are "cleared".  Today was a piece of cake.  I was out of the treatment and dressed and getting back into the car to go back to work by 2:20!  Wow.   I guess there won't be so much to report on my radiation treatments!

I should report that my sore fingers are beginning to heal.  Zim's Crack Cream , along with Badger Balm is doing the trick.

Tired

So here's the short of it,
I'm so tired in the mornings. Mom and I enjoyed a visit with Mommy Anne at Elmcroft.


And here's the long

Well, I worked today, although when the alarm went off this morning I didn't know how in the world I was going to get myself out of the bed!  Morning has never been easy for me, but it is becoming nearly impossible!  Once I can drag myself out of the bed which seems to take at least 3 snooze cycles, I have to take ginger to calm my stomach before I can eat something, and I have to eat something before I can take my morning medicine or it makes me sick.  And now that I've started radiation, I can't wash my left underarm  when I shower, just let water run over it --- I can promise you that doesn't make the odor go away!  Anyway - I think it's great that I'm getting up.  I remember those days just a few weeks ago when I was so sick I couldn't get out of the bed or off the couch except to crawl to the bathroom. 

I do think I'm stronger once I ever get going in the morning.  I still have the awful neuropathy in my fingers and my feet, but I can walk  I felt good enough to walk (well limp is a better description) around the circle 4 times tonight.  Sophie was ever so happy to have some time outside too.

Mom discovered a tragedy this morning.  A stray dog in the neighborhood had killed her beautiful calico cat, Patches.  She's pretty sad about it.  Check out her blog for today for the details we know.

Radiation today was just a cinch.  From the time I parked until the time I was in the car heading out of the parking lot, was just about 30 minutes.  The technicians are just really nice, and I'm getting used to the bare chest, line up the lasers with the marks and lie real still, even though it's pretty cold in this room routine.  I think I may always remember the mark up on my chest even when I'm allowed to wash with soap and the permanent marker fades away for good!

Alan was running a temp this morning and even though he felt better this evening, I took Mom instead of him and we went over to Elmcroft for the Holiday Buffet with Mommy Anne.  It was a nice evening.  They had a nice buffet, and live entertainment.  They recognized all the people who come to volunteer.  It was amazing to hear them talk about people coming - some once a week, others once a month - to do everything from playing music, to offering Bible study, to playing games, to just coming to sit and visit with the residents. After the recognitions the music duo "That man and Robin" played and some of the volunteers and staff danced with those residents who wanted to participate.  It was really sweet. 

Work and Treatments

So here's the short of it,
Today I worked a half day and had radiation and Herceptin.  I am really tired.

And here's the long

Today I worked until about 1:15, then I dashed home so that Alan could go with me to my treatments.

I went first to my radiation treatment.  I got into the little changing room and did the routine, strip from the waist up, and.....opened the cabinet door to get the flimsy gown that opens in the front ... and there were none there!  Hmmm... get dressed and go find someone, yell really loud, or....there was a cord on the wall to pull if you need a nurse.  I pulled.  I've never pulled one of those cords before even though I've seen them in every medical facility I've ever been in.  Boy did I ever get a quick response!  A nurse came running as well as a technician, only to find a frustrated half naked woman looking for a hospital gown - not someone prone on the floor or bleeding or anything like that.  I quickly apologized and said that I really didn't know it would alarm them so much.  They were very apologetic themselves.  Maybe from now on I'll look in that little closet before I do the stripping thing. 

My treatment went very smoothly and quickly.  There are two technicians working on getting my placement exactly correct.  Today they had to take x-rays.  Apparently they may need to make an adjustment in the aim of the machine.  They send those x-rays to the doctor as well as to the physics department. I guess I'll know tomorrow if they are making any changes.  The treatment was over in less than 30 minutes from the time they called me back.  And the holding my arms up over my head was pretty easy, even though the x-rays made it take a longer time.  I noticed that the young technician tells me I can relax my arms down just as soon as the radiation beam is over.  Of course she is not in the room during that time, so she tells me over the intercom.  Oh - I didn't mention, since the technicians can't be in the room while the radiation in active, they have two cameras and an audio feed so that we can talk with one another during the treatment.  It seems like I'll have this down in another visit or two! I still don't like the no deodorant thing, but  I'm sure I'll get used to that. 

After radiation I went up to the fifth floor for my Herceptin treatment.  They were completely out of Herceptin.  My oncology nurse, Lori, said that they have been far busier than usual this week -- and it wasn't all because of  making up treatments missed over Thanksgiving.  Anyway, she managed to borrow a Herceptin vial from a pharmacy in the hospital so that I didn't have to come back tomorrow.  Of course my port still isn't working, so I had to get a stick in my right hand again.  I much prefer the port!  I've got track marks all along the vein that runs across the top of my right hand.  I can't have anything done to my left arm or hand since that was the side that they took out lymph nodes.  Apparently that's like making a nice invitation for lymphodema. So no sticks or blood pressures, etc on that side.  Maybe my port can get fixed in a week or two! I understand that it might be just an outpatient, in the office type procedure to fix it up. 

This evening I've been pretty tired.  Sophie seems to know I'm not up to her usual shenanigans, and she's been a little less rambunctious. The tiredness is overwhelming.  Lori says it's my low red counts and that she's amazed that I'm doing as much as I am.  I understand that the radiation treatments are very tiring.  But I've also got an expectation that they'll be much easier than the chemo treatments were! I've had to lock Sophie out of the back room. As soon as Liga go home Sophie just started jumping all over the place, including on top of me!   She is too much for me tonight! 

Radiation report and hair

So here's the short of it,
Today was a "normal" radiation treatment; I'm stinky; and my hair is barely beginning to grow back. 


And here's the long

Today's radiation treatment is more like what will be normal.  I arrived at the cancer center at 2:00 and I was called back at about 5 minutes after.  I got changed - the command is internalized by now - "take off everything from the waist up and put on the gown open in the front".  By the time I walked into the treatment room, they had the table set up for me.  My body mold was on the table and my special knee pad and back pad were in place.  I got onto the table - oh yea, that next command take your left arm out of the gown - and got into the position.  The two technicians spent about 10 or 15 minutes getting my body positioned just right and getting my marks refreshed.  I asked them to explain it to me since I have to have my head tilted up.  There is a laser inside the machine which shines down onto my chest.  They have to line it up exactly with the marks on my chest.  And of course, they use the tattoos to show where they put those center marks.  They are like really big plus signs in permanent black marker.  They use this to set up what they call SSD "Source to Skin Distance".  They actually have a physics department where part of the planning takes place and gives them the numbers they use or maybe confirms them.  Once again, as they positioned me, sometimes it seemed that they weren't moving anything but my skin. Oh yeah, I had my arms above my head the whole time.  I can do 10 or 15 minutes with my arms above my head with no problem!  Then they did the two radiation treatments.  I have to lie very, very still and they blast me for a few seconds on the right side; then they come back and set the machine up for treating me from the left.  Then it's all over and I can leave.  I was sitting back in my car at 2:27, and was back at work before 3:00.  Right now this is seeming really doable!  Tomorrow and every Wednesday, I'll have my Herceptin infusion up on the 5th floor after I get finished.  It looks like I may even have time to stop for a Starbucks afterwards since there's one in the lobby almost on the way from one office to another.

One more radiation report.  I'm not allowed to wash "the area" with soap nor can I wear deodorant.  I don't think that part will be too fun for me.  I've been thinking today about the dress shields I remember the "older girls" and women wearing when I was a youngster.  Then I remembered my Texas friend commenting in the early days of the blog.  I had written about my tape allergy and how uncomfortable I was and the brilliant suggestion from my surgeon about using maxi pads for bandages.  Her comment had to do with the hundreds of uses for pantyliners or maxi pads - so I'm thinking I'm going to try using pantyliners as dress shields.  They are disposable; they have adhesive, so they'll stick to my clothes already; and I still have some left from before.  I'll see how that works with the stinky problem.  I suppose over the next 7 weeks, I'll become better acquainted with my natural smell.  

My last chemo treatment was several weeks ago, and I can begin to see some hair coming back on my head.  It's mostly just real tight stubble that isn't growing very fast at all, but I have about 8 hairs on my head that are trying to grow.  They might be 1/8th of an inch long.  I really don't mind not having hair in terms of not having to shampoo or fix my hair before I go somewhere - but my head is perpetually cold without my hair.  I've become pretty attached to my toboggans and the felt caps Mom brought me.