So here's the short of it,

Here at the end of the day, I'm not feeling so well.

And here's the long

Today was a lovely day.  I slept in later than I think I have for many many years.  I was also up very late.  My days and nights are so confused.  I felt pretty good for the first part of the day (late morning and early afternoon was the first part of my day.).

At three this afternoon there was a wonderful birthday party for two year old Elijah at Mom's house.  What a fun afternoon.  Elizabeth made pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. Elijah loved the frosting and managed to get a fingerful of icing from almost all the cupcakes!  He also chased balloons, danced to music Elizabeth has on her iPod that is his playlist, and generally made all the grown ups smile.

By late afternoon, everyone had packed up and gone.  Tonight is Mom's first night alone at the house since Dad died.  Of course, she's been there alone, most of the time since his surgery, but this seems like some kind of marker.  In my mind at least.

Anyway, this evening I took Sophie out to let her run with her girlfriends in the circle, and when I came in realized that I was chilling.  I took my temperature and have a bit of fever. I also started having all this achy feeling.  Weakness, fatigue, and achy joints and muscles are all common side effects of Abraxane, so I'm assuming that's what it is.  I'll be sure to tell the doctor about it on Wednesday. So I had all these big plans to work tomorrow.  I suppose I'll make that decision after I wake tomorrow and take my temperature and see how I feel.  I've still got this awful cough as well.  I'm using musinex and it's certainly helping, but I still have some cough even when I'm taking it right on time.  If I get a little behind schedule, I just have this real hacking cough.

In the meantime, I really do want to feel better.  It's been 16 weeks since I started the Chemo treatments and of course I have better days and worse days, but I haven't felt right since then.  I think once I start the uphill from the last treatment, it will bring such a feeling of lightness!  There's another very weird side effect that I'm eager to be rid of.  You know, how you know your own smell.  Your bed smells a certain way - your dirty clothes have a smell all you.  I even buried my face in my Dad's bathrobe to inhale the scent that I recognized as his the other day.  The smell of your own sweat is very recognizable - the smell of your urine and bowel movements are unique to you.  Well, I don't even smell like myself - and I really don't like how I smell.  I think I should get back my old smell -that will make me happy! So, I'm thinking just a few more weeks of smelling like a stranger is living in my skin.  Can't wait.