Finding Courage

So here's the short of it,
Anticipating the near future and memories bring courage.

And here's the long

As I look back over the day it seems that maybe I've been a little stronger. I've stayed awake more, been hungrier, and may have a little more strength. I managed to spend a couple of hours taking care of a couple of work things that were a bit pressing and took care of some e-mail. I am very tired this evening and I'm hoping I'll feel like going to bed at a decent hour. I want to get my days and nights sorted out!

Dad was not doing very well this morning; Mom said that he was pretty unresponsive. He's doing better tonight; it's really hard to be 8 minutes away and not be able to go visit and check in - whether he's doing poorly or well. But it's a hollow feeling to have a report that he's not doing well and know that I can't risk exposing myself to the germs at Kindred. I've been expressly forbidden to go there by my doctor until my white blood counts are in the normal range. I'm eagerly anticipating my lab work on Wednesday - if I'm cleared, I'll go directly to see Dad when my treatment is over. Anticipating that gives me courage to keep on.

I'm not in a dark funk, but I'm so tired. My mind goes back over the years to one of the first people I remember who had cancer. Her name was Sarah True Pursiful. Her mother and father were dear friends of my parents, and her mother Thelma always treated me as a special young woman. I babysat Sarah True for a time one summer when she was a baby. They discovered cancer in her eyes as an infant and one of them was removed. When she was a young girl, the cancer returned as bone cancer in her leg. I was gone from home by the time it had returned, but I had frequent updates from my parents as she endured an amputation, chemotherapy, and finally succumbed to her cancer. When I'm in that funk - or when I'm just tired, I'm reminded of her, her youth, and her incredible sweetness and bravery - and I get a courage boost to keep on.